[Click here to start from the first progress log]

Welcome to Mission 3: Sexist Guys And Annoying Thief Get Murderized, Random Lady Gets Smashed, And Then Unexpected Bounty Hunters Have Boulders Dropped On Their Stupid Heads While Rachel Acts Weird.

This next group of victims consists of feminist caricatures of what guys are secretly like when they’re around each other. His claim isn’t even accurate in the context of the game; Allura got smashed by that ceiling impaling thing in the last progress log and still had almost all of her life bar remaining afterwards, which means that she’s basically this universe’s Superwoman in terms of damage resistance.

Before we can get to killing that group of dicks, however, Ada acts impressed at Allura’s magical trap powers. It almost sounds like she’s planning on taking out a hit on someone. I like that Ada has this evil kind of vibe to her, almost like she’s the only character here who remembers that being evil is the fun part of the game.

The idiot parade has begun. Beefhead is first on my list.

Nailed it.

My bomb didn’t shatter the glass the last time I tried, but something obviously worked this time. Not sure what, though. I wasn’t even trying to shatter it, which is why I’m in the middle of it. This is not an encouraging development.

Apparently thieves can jump on top of you and attack. Enemies can also back you into a corner and stun-lock you, which happened. Between the glass thing and this, I called for a mulligan and restarted the stage. It’s annoying, but I prefer my murders to be slightly more methodical, and right now it’s practically physical comedy.

Things go much more smoothly the second time around, and I can’t help but feel that Beefhead’s dying words are secretly a hidden sex joke. Or maybe my mind is just in the gutter. Either way, the series in general is unfairly maligned for the rougher quality of its translations, but I find them absolutely brilliant in a demented way.

As soon as all the sexists are murdered, a random lady shows up and asks if I’m the one who killed “him.” It would be too needlessly complicated explaining to her that I’ve killed several guys in the past few hours and that she needs to be more specific.

Talking this whole thing out with a stranger is hard. Shooting someone into a wall with a spring floor, pushing them forward with a Push Wall, and then crushing them with a boulder that picked up speed by falling on a slope is easy.

She dies, and the last thing she says before dying is the name “Jude.” I checked my screenshots and don’t appear to have killed a Jude, so this whole encounter appears to have been a silly misunderstanding. My bad, random dead lady!

Oh, you are the worst, Rachel. She has dead eyes while she talks about the Fiend with Ada, who is rightfully kind of freaked out by her. If she wasn’t accounted for when the king was stabbed in the back, I’d totally suspect her of being the one to do it. Not that being evil is a bad thing (in fact, I’d consider it one of my favorite character traits as far as Deception characters go), but Rachel doesn’t appear to be helping me, and evil that inconveniences me is the kind I simply cannot stand for.

The next group of idiots marching to their death is slightly more sympathetic. One of them even explains that he doesn’t like Catalina and is only trying to capture Allura because he needs money for food. I decide to flex my charitable side by making sure that he never feels hunger pangs ever again. Or anything else, for that matter.

I love staircases. They make my spring floor/push wall/boulder on a sloped surface combo all the more effective. Especially since there are only two spaces when they reach the top of the stairs, so they’re getting hit with either the spring floor or push wall no matter what. The thief classes can jump over spring floors, though, and I’m not sure if them doing so would move them out of range of the push wall.

Awhile back I remember reading that there are special one-time-per-encounter environmental traps that you can trigger in this game, but I haven’t figured out what those might be. I might just look them up if I don’t stumble across one soon.

The mission ends with Finnegan showing up outside, and Ada is the first to see him. She looks concerned, and he orders his men to find and kill the traitor inside. It’s easy to assume that he means Allura, but Ada’s presence is kind of strange, as well, so maybe she’s the one he’s really there to kill. Hopefully she survives so that we can go off on a magical friendship killing spree adventure together.

[Click here to go to Trapt log #2]

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