From Baba Amte to Mother Teresa and Bill gates, we’ve always admired those who are kind and giving. Now we’re discovering that Kindness will not only make you happier, it might just help you live longer. So many things that make life rough around the edges, an indiscriminate dent in your car, a door slammed in your face, are due to lack of consideration. Imagine, for a minute, a world where everyone is just a little kinder. When you’re trying to merge in traffic, someone lets you in. At the supermarket, you allow a person in a hurry to go ahead of you. A new theory called ‘survival of the nicest’ says that because of kindness, the human race prospered as a species. In ancient societies, kindness was a key component of the survival of communities. Groups with many altruists tend to survive.
In other words, we have an in-built capacity to help others, especially those close to us, to ensure the survival of our community.
Give And Receive
Research shows kindness can also make us happier. It makes no difference to your happiness if you help a loved one or a stranger, but it may have different results. A small, anonymous act might make you feel like a good person. But a big kind act to an acquaintance may have social consequences: you might make a new friend or be generously thanked. So paying for a stranger’s coffee may give you a temporary buzz, but helping an elderly neighbour to shop may help you forge a better relationship. Kindness is good for you in other ways. Being kind is good for your health. A study found that those who regularly helped others had better mental health and lower rates of depression. Other studies found helpful people were less likely to fall ill from chronic diseases, and tended to have better immune systems. A strong correlation exists between the wellbeing, happiness and health of people who are kind. Kindness can help regulate emotions, which has a positive impact on our health. If our in-built ‘fight or flight’ response becomes overactive due to stress, it affects our cardiovascular system and weakens the body’s immunity. It’s difficult to be angry, resentful, or fearful when one is showing unselfish love towards another person.
It Can Be Tough
Kindness may be a virtue, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. There’s some level of cynicism towards kindness. The label ‘do-gooder’ isn’t a compliment. We all like the idea of being kind, but at the same time, don’t nice guys always finish last? Acting from the goodness of your heart goes directly against the ‘survival of the fittest’ theory of evolution, which says that humans are driven to compete for existence quite selfishly. Back in 1968, the researchers Bibb Latane and John Darley discovered a phenomenon known as the ‘bystander effect’: When someone needs help in a public place, they are less likely to receive help if there are more people around. Researchers believe that the effect arises because everyone takes their cue from the crowd and assumes someone else will take responsibility. In big cities, people may also feel unsafe interacting with strangers.
Feel-good Factor
But none of the above explains why we are kind when we choose to be. Sana Murad made one of the greatest sacrifices possible for someone she loved, she donated a kidney to her 57-year-old father. “It was one of the easiest things I’ve ever had to decide,” says she. It was a profound act of kindness, but one she feels she could do only for a loved one. “I don’t know why, but I don’t think I could have just randomly given a kidney away - I would probably only consider it for a family member,” she says. “At the same time, giving my dad my kidney did help someone else, because dad’s no longer on the organ donor waiting list, so someone can take his place.”
Sana’s father may be able to thank his genes twice over for his daughter’s kindness. A 2005 study found a link between kindness and a gene that releases dopamine, a feel good neurotransmitter in the brain. A research found that helpers reported a distinct physical sensation when being kind. Many reported feeling more energetic, warm, calmer and greater self-worth, a phenomenon he calls the ‘helper’s high. Some scientists say that because we’re altruistic only for the good of the group and to get a dopamine rush, it means kindness is actually, well, selfish. Probably most altruism is self-interest at some level.
Giving Freely
Kindness has another similarity with happiness - it can’t be bought. Economists often make the mistake of assuming people are inherently selfish and that we will only do something good for a financial reward or to avoid a fine. But a report, published last year, found otherwise.The report was about a research on six childcare centres that started inflicting fines on parents who were late picking up their children. After the fines were introduced, parents were twice as likely to be late. A similar study also found women were actually less likely to donate blood if they were paid.
We resent the idea that our principles can be bought: we prefer to do good deeds for their own sake. People enjoy being kind to others much as they enjoy eating ice-cream. It gives us pleasure.
Little Seeds Of Love
One synonym for the word kindness is the term humanity. Kindness is essentially a recognition of the fact that we’re all human, an acknowledgement that we’re all in this together. Most of what makes life worth living depends on at least some of us being altruistic some of the time. We cannot address problems like global climate change, the spread of disease and political violence by appealing only to selfish motives.
The good news is that it’s easy to train ourselves to the kinder. People should simply do more acts of kindness than they usually do, and do them on a regular basis, like five sets of kindness every Monday. Kindness, then, is just a matter of choice, an attitude you carry with you that you can make a difference, however small, in someone else’s life. Kindness has to begin within ourselves. Sometimes we keep people out to keep ourselves safe, but that also isolates us from the rest of the world. Every major religion has love as a universal principle. Kindness takes love to a gentler and more accessible level that most people feel comfortable with. Showing a little bit of kindness to people recognises that everyone around you is just like yourself.
In other words, we have an in-built capacity to help others, especially those close to us, to ensure the survival of our community.
Give And Receive
Research shows kindness can also make us happier. It makes no difference to your happiness if you help a loved one or a stranger, but it may have different results. A small, anonymous act might make you feel like a good person. But a big kind act to an acquaintance may have social consequences: you might make a new friend or be generously thanked. So paying for a stranger’s coffee may give you a temporary buzz, but helping an elderly neighbour to shop may help you forge a better relationship. Kindness is good for you in other ways. Being kind is good for your health. A study found that those who regularly helped others had better mental health and lower rates of depression. Other studies found helpful people were less likely to fall ill from chronic diseases, and tended to have better immune systems. A strong correlation exists between the wellbeing, happiness and health of people who are kind. Kindness can help regulate emotions, which has a positive impact on our health. If our in-built ‘fight or flight’ response becomes overactive due to stress, it affects our cardiovascular system and weakens the body’s immunity. It’s difficult to be angry, resentful, or fearful when one is showing unselfish love towards another person.
It Can Be Tough
Kindness may be a virtue, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. There’s some level of cynicism towards kindness. The label ‘do-gooder’ isn’t a compliment. We all like the idea of being kind, but at the same time, don’t nice guys always finish last? Acting from the goodness of your heart goes directly against the ‘survival of the fittest’ theory of evolution, which says that humans are driven to compete for existence quite selfishly. Back in 1968, the researchers Bibb Latane and John Darley discovered a phenomenon known as the ‘bystander effect’: When someone needs help in a public place, they are less likely to receive help if there are more people around. Researchers believe that the effect arises because everyone takes their cue from the crowd and assumes someone else will take responsibility. In big cities, people may also feel unsafe interacting with strangers.
Feel-good Factor
But none of the above explains why we are kind when we choose to be. Sana Murad made one of the greatest sacrifices possible for someone she loved, she donated a kidney to her 57-year-old father. “It was one of the easiest things I’ve ever had to decide,” says she. It was a profound act of kindness, but one she feels she could do only for a loved one. “I don’t know why, but I don’t think I could have just randomly given a kidney away - I would probably only consider it for a family member,” she says. “At the same time, giving my dad my kidney did help someone else, because dad’s no longer on the organ donor waiting list, so someone can take his place.”
Sana’s father may be able to thank his genes twice over for his daughter’s kindness. A 2005 study found a link between kindness and a gene that releases dopamine, a feel good neurotransmitter in the brain. A research found that helpers reported a distinct physical sensation when being kind. Many reported feeling more energetic, warm, calmer and greater self-worth, a phenomenon he calls the ‘helper’s high. Some scientists say that because we’re altruistic only for the good of the group and to get a dopamine rush, it means kindness is actually, well, selfish. Probably most altruism is self-interest at some level.
Giving Freely
Kindness has another similarity with happiness - it can’t be bought. Economists often make the mistake of assuming people are inherently selfish and that we will only do something good for a financial reward or to avoid a fine. But a report, published last year, found otherwise.The report was about a research on six childcare centres that started inflicting fines on parents who were late picking up their children. After the fines were introduced, parents were twice as likely to be late. A similar study also found women were actually less likely to donate blood if they were paid.
We resent the idea that our principles can be bought: we prefer to do good deeds for their own sake. People enjoy being kind to others much as they enjoy eating ice-cream. It gives us pleasure.
Little Seeds Of Love
One synonym for the word kindness is the term humanity. Kindness is essentially a recognition of the fact that we’re all human, an acknowledgement that we’re all in this together. Most of what makes life worth living depends on at least some of us being altruistic some of the time. We cannot address problems like global climate change, the spread of disease and political violence by appealing only to selfish motives.
The good news is that it’s easy to train ourselves to the kinder. People should simply do more acts of kindness than they usually do, and do them on a regular basis, like five sets of kindness every Monday. Kindness, then, is just a matter of choice, an attitude you carry with you that you can make a difference, however small, in someone else’s life. Kindness has to begin within ourselves. Sometimes we keep people out to keep ourselves safe, but that also isolates us from the rest of the world. Every major religion has love as a universal principle. Kindness takes love to a gentler and more accessible level that most people feel comfortable with. Showing a little bit of kindness to people recognises that everyone around you is just like yourself.
