To all those who have been following my blog since it’s infancy, you might notice I have a series of posts called “Visual Novels I Had Been Messing Around With“, where as it’s self-explanatory name indicates, is just me talking about Visual Novels I have been playing. Truly the most original of ideas, created by my past self, my phantom — the more amateurish writer in me that can string together English words so well English professors around the world are put to shame.
In any case, I have been ignoring that series of posts and haven’t update any posts since. However today is a good day to brush off the dust and go back to it one last time, as it is April 1st — April Fool’s day. I will be talking about five shitty visual novels I have no idea why I was even playing. Yes, laugh at me all you want today as I show you the five visual novels I recently played — the visual novels that can only be handled by true, absolute madmen.
1. John Cena’s Sexy High School Adventure
Oh boy… I-I actually went out on a limp and played this piece of shit. L-look at that graphics man, one of the best, realistic looking visual novel I have ever seen.
2. John Cena’s Sexy High School Adventure!!! 2
It seems they somehow came up with a sequel. I uhh… I don’t even know what to say. I mean, just look at that picture above. If you are still not convinced the first John Cena game had one of the best-looking visuals ever, then the sequel sure as hell going to convince you otherwise. Jam-packed with even more beautiful visuals, engaging story and wrestling memes, the sequel is every bit just as uhh… good.
3. John Cena’s Sexy Holiday Surprise!
WHAT THE FUCK!!!?? THIS THING IS STILL GOING ON!!!??? I-I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!
4. OMGWTFOTL
So we are finally out of the John Cena hell, whew. Though I am not sure how much better it is now that we reached the fourth entry in this list — simply titled “OMGWTFOTL”. …Okay, you know what? Scrap that. If the John Cena games is a piece of shit, then OMGWTFOTL is a genius piece of shit. I… I don’t know what else to say. No words can do this visual novel justice. I can do nothing but genuflect at this genius piece of shit.
5. Sakura Series
And yes, one way or the other, I am still playing the Sakura Series for some reason. It’s a series I have no idea why I am still playing even to this day, though they are still fairly normal titles compared to the other ones in this list. In my defense, I am always on the opinion that to be a reviewer, you always have to experience the “highest highs” and the “lowest lows”, and the Sakura titles are the perfect examples of the latter. I think we can all agree at least, that while the Sakura games have great graphics, they have nothing on the John Cena games. Right? RIGHT?
