Holy Moly.

We have surpassed our target. What an incredible feeling this is already. Sitting in my housemate’s place in Nuneaton, all I can think about is finally getting Papageno to the place where she’s meant to be. The most important thing to me right now is to complete the masts and rigging before the year is out. Anything over this is an extra achievement I never thought I would accomplish. I plan to make Papageno the safest I can for a future crew. The campaign still has 27 days left to complete and I can’t imagine the progress we’re going to be able to make with her. But we are. We are really going to make a difference with her. There’s so many things happening and I’m taken aback at how this time last week everything was so different.

I feel like Papageno has become this phoenix that is going to rise from the flames and become reborn. And it’s happening. It’s really happening.

And I feel it for myself too.

Edouard started his new job today. I spoke to him yesterday briefly and he was blown away by the support and love from everyone with our Kickstarter campaign. It’s strange to think of living my life without him by my side. That I’m not going to see him next week. But by focusing on Papageno, it’s given me hope to carry on and take the time to become strong again in myself.

It’s been so nice to come back to England, as I get to spend time with my sister to prepare packing up all of the rewards from our shop for each pledge to eventually post off. When I told her how many supporters we had and how busy we were going to be with the shop, her jaw dropped. She didn’t know I was coming back to England- making this visit that little bit more special. I managed to surprise her at work when I arrived, jumping in front of her and waving my hands.

“Surprise!”

“Oh, bloody hell!”

I’ve been thinking about doing a Papageno meet up this December. A casual get together of anyone who fancies sharing a beer and exchanging stories in the UK. I’m not sure where. I was thinking either Birmingham, Coventry or London. If you have a preference between those three, let me know!

Right now, I’m trying to get myself organised for returning to England after the rig. There’s a lot to arrange, Papageno’s storage, Leela’s transportation, and somewhere to live. Finding an apartment to live in whilst I’m back in Blighty is another factor. There are so many new beginnings. I’ve never lived alone before.

Yesterday I met up with my friends. It was an amazing day, and I’d be lying if today was dedicated to having an endless supply of tea, Netflix marathons and my laptop on my lap as I get myself organised for the future. It’s nice to feel like I’ve got some control back over my destiny. I have a plan, and I’m going ahead with it. It sounds all very sure and direct, but honestly, sometimes I am very much still fearful. But I think that’s natural.

The one thing that I’ve done in this process is to take the pressure off myself. I’m focusing on the future, walking across the fields with Leela, going for tea with Laura and taking up some studies to make me a better Captain.

I can’t believe how I used to be when I first set out on this journey. I look back at myself with raised eyebrows and a disbelief at my cocksureness. I was so determined to achieve this goal. Now, everything after we’ve been through and the sacrifices and the losses that have come from a result, I’m still determined but I feel a lot more weathered.

I spend most of my nights spending time on research.

This cannot be for nothing, I tell myself. I have to know what I’m up against. What I have to do. And the more and more I research, discover and learn, the less fast my heart seems to pace.

Knowledge is the best key for going forwards and the proud part of me wants to return to England victorious.

If I want to succeed, I have to plan and learn.

I’m realising more at this new found freedom I have. The choice is mine. Whatever the direction I wish to take Papageno in, I can go. And there are so many possibilities now.

A few people have been asking what will happen to Leela during this plan. I made a dedication and a commitment to that beautiful little smelly street dog, and I intend on seeing it through and giving her the most wonderful life I can give. Hence bringing her to Europe and driving her from France to England. For the 2 months on Papageno from Feb for the new season, or she will stay where she is, looked after by friends for the 8 weeks I am away, or she will come along with me. I’m really excited to see how she will take to life in Blighty. To see her running across the fields and meeting my family’s other dogs.

It’s a whole new world of beginnings for her and I right now.

I’m trying my best to hang onto that positivity. To keep myself going forwards.

So you catch me at a moment when I am cuddled up nice and warm in my home country, reflecting on the past and looking onwards to the future. Yes, I’m still hurting, but that’s ok. It’s ok to feel that pain and to give myself time. I’ve accepted that.

I’m being kind to myself and giving myself a break.

But you know what?

I think we’re going to be all right.

If you’d like to check out the Save Papageno Campaign, visit here!