I have gotten very few responses to my situation wrote in my last post and I really didn't expect to get many since I requested that only those with a possible solution reply. Going to try to address some questions here. As in now looking back and reading my post it does sound kind of scattered, one reason for that is the topic and my anxiety of this happening to me.But I am still trying to find a solution. I have not yet again seek outside help but am going to, I have just been putting it off and I am not one to do that, especially something this important but have for many reasons but mainly because the choices are just so few and so unrealistic. unfortunately what ever it is it has not eased up since my last post, if anything it has gotten worse. My reason for writing this has only been to try and get assistance on the subject and to possibly keep my thoughts on my reasoning because so much time has elapsed.

Why haven't I told my family? Many reasons and though I have partially now told one of my children there is just nothing they could do about it even thought they are of adult age. Plus putting them in the position to have to deal with the topic if it should get worse than it is. I have siblings and at one time was somewhat close but my reasons are different with them. Though I did not see them that ofter when this began in 2000, I rarely see them now and that is by choice and is for this reason mainly. Due to the fact that I believe that it is possible that in the past they knew of this being present if fact I believe that it or one like it was present with them also, in my family. I have my reasons that I believe that and if that is true then I should of been made aware of this long ago. This isn't a blame issue more of a pawn off issue and this could also apply to a ex spouse and family. This does not in anyway apply to my parents who are deceased or my children.I am not a blamer person as some others that I know and I realize this may not be true and that this thing whatever it is has tried to make me think that but the fact of it is that even if they(my family) don't know of it's existence there's just nothing they could do about it either.
What is it's purpose? Not sure of it's original purpose but somehow believe it had nothing to do with me at least back years ago when it was still unknown to me(sub conscious ) but I believe it's purpose changed sometime around the time before I divorced. It had nothing to do with the divorce at least outwardly and would of not change that and there are many years from that time until 2000 when I was made aware of it by it. It is obvious to me in now looking back since 2000 it has little by little trying to ruin my life. The thing is I am a pretty strong willed person and usually stay focused on important priorities, but in looking back there is no question that I so to speak walked right it to it, especially regarding my job. The only way it was able to do this is by my astonishment and disbelief of it's existence and little by little using it's ability. Meaning if it would of been to this extent as it is now, I would of done things differently, especially regarding my job, which being without(only a little) has greatly affected my life. It has also affected my children as one has had to pay my bills at least the last couple of years. They now believe it to be lack of finding a job which it has now became true, since it is way worse and working outside of the home would be almost impossible with it here and finding a decent work at home job has been like looking for a needle in a stack. The thing is that now even if it went away I would have trouble finding a job even in my own area since so much time has elapsed, where I would not have earlier, and I believe that is one of it's purpose though I didn't realize that when I quit my job. It is extremely bothering me that on top of all this that I have had to have my child pay my bills even though my child does live with me and has not had a problem with it though not outwardly but even if not, I do. I had a back up job (so to speak) when this happened which I only did in my spare time so a couple of years ago when I realized this was not going away started to start to do that (cause it can be done out of my home and at my own time) it when it got way worse. I did not realize at the time that it is very possible that it way trying to stop me from doing that. But it did. So my only choice so far has been some Internet sales. I have had to take time out to learn some Computer things I did not know. I have applied for many home based positions that I am qualified for but what a joke that is, another needle in the stack.Going to work inside my home with a regular job would relieve some of my worry and stress but mainly would allow me to be able to work around this what ever it is and allow me the time to mainly focus on getting it somehow removed. Or at least to give it my all, which I have not wanted to do until I had my otherresponsibilities in order. Though I am going to anyway if possible because it has gone on way way to long. I have not even let myself think that there is not a option.

Am I able to continue with life? Now, only at times. At the beginning more so, as I had normal busy life I was able to at least the first year or so but even then not always and as I have said I am a pretty strong willed person and just gradually got worse causing me to not be as busy as normal and it was not due to my interest in it cause though I knew it was there I would of let myself think about. Now though it seems to stop(doing things) when I am into something such as writing this, though not always.It is obvious to me in looking back that it has done things to make me appear almost exactly the way I am normally not. I did not realize this until so to speak look at my life now and how things appear. Something I have never done and most people normally don't. Of course I've never had a reason to since then and most of the time my life has gone is a positive direction and I had future plans at the time which I believe it was not only was trying to stop but also put my life in a stand still and backwards direction. The thing is that even though this sounds this way, I have never cared what ist's reason it plans or it's abilities. Only to get it to leave me be and preferably get it gone. I would leave any reasoning to someone more knowledgeable on the subject than me. Through I have been forced to whether I wanted to or not just to try and research things that it could be so I could get help.

What do I think it is? After all this time, I still have no idea. If I think ghost/demon it just seems to have too much human brain wise intelligence for that. If I think alien or some type of alien implant it doesn't make sense as to why it would it want control of my brain versus a scientist or someone in authority/ politics and why would it stay with me so long if it had somewhere else to go? There is a article that I read on a website the other day which is really a gross thought to me. It basically stated that their is believe that parasites can somehow enter the human brain and it is believed that they can attain certain knowledge from humans. I didn't read it all since it is too gross of a thought for me to think about it.Because most of the time now it makes me think(by it thinking) that there is another one of it around me. I don't know if it is or if it is just thinking that. There is a possibility that there is not one even actually in my brain but only one around me yet somehow able to control my subconscious brain thoughts. There is just nothing that I have read that makes any sense on what it could be, of course I am thinking human sense.
There is just one more thing that I will add to this before I close as I have wrote way more than I planned to,Because of this I have watched allot more of the discover and history channel to try to get some idea of what it is and what direction to go in for assistance and in doing so along with other things have noticed things I would not normally noticed. Though I won't go into my reasons now but it is highly possible that others are affected by one of these also and not just now but in the past. To find if others were affected was not my reason for researching in fact that never occurred to me until this last year, except my family and only because of things it has tried to make me think. Though anything it tried to make me think regarding other people or the past, I have not, only maybe and that goes for anything that I have noticed because I do know and have known that these things could be a coincidence, however it is certainly a possibility through most people do not know it, of course maybe they do and just do not say because it is not as predominate as mine is now but like mine was before I knew of it. There but not letting me know it was there.
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