Ugly is such an ugly word. But the more politically-correct title “7 Aesthetically-Challenged Electric Skateboards” just doesn’t sound as cool.

So, we’ll stick with ugly.

When it comes to electric skateboards, speed, acceleration, battery life, range, hill incline, charge time, weight and portability are all far more important than how your board looks. But, even though basketball players want a shoe designed to help them run faster and jump higher, they still don’t want people thinking they’ve just stepped out of a clown car.

Looks matter. Rattling off awesome specs is the electric skateboard equivalent of saying your board has a “really great personality.” You don’t want your beast to be beastly.

Wouldn’t you rather have somebody say, “A thing divine, for nothing natural, I ever saw so noble.” (Okay, so that’s my impression of Shakespeare getting his first electric skateboard.)

And, while beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it is possible to be somewhat objective on this subjective matter. Don’t h8te if you can’t rel8te! Think of this as a Comedy Central Electric Skateboard Roast.

Here are the seven ugliest electric skateboards (in no particular order):

Linky

Linky is a foldable electric skateboard that fits in a backpack so the design necessarily affected the look of the board.

But, when I look at a Linky, all I see are two avocados. With the black version of the electric skateboard, I see two unripe avocados.

Linky has managed to turn their product into a Rorschach test.

The ONEWHEEL

The ONEWHEEL has…you guessed it…one wheel. “Inspired by the feeling of snowboarding” the ONEWHEEL is a great idea. And, the product reviews suggest it’s a great ride.

But, it looks like something you’d see in Cirque du Soleil. Or, in black and white footage from The Ed Sullivan Show. “Ladies and gentleman, before we bring out The Beatles, please welcome Boris The Incredible Balancer.”

Make sure you download some circus music on your iPhone before you hit the streets.

Evolve Bamboo GT Street

Evolve has managed to create a high-performance electric skateboard that looks like a giant tongue depressor. The first time you get on your Bamboo GT Street, you’ll want to open wide and say, “Ahhhhh.”

On the company’s website it states, “GT mode will allow the board to climb extremely steep hills that will be dangerous to ride back down, even when using the brake.”

Apparently, the reason it looks like a tongue depressor is because those who ride back down the hill will be spending a lot of time at the doctor’s office.

E-Glide GT Powerboard

Fans of the Mars Rover love this electric skateboard. Why? Because it looks like the Mars Rover!

The manufacturer says, “Dirt, grass, gravel, snow, or hard packed sand, the GT will handle it all.”

What about red dust? I hear Mars is covered with it.

I-Ride

When I first encountered I-Ride, I wrote, “Unlike other electric skateboards, the frame is made of “premium brushed aluminum” making it look a bit like a moving bottle opener.”

I still think a combination electric skateboard/bottle opener is a great idea. So much better than the electric skateboard/corkscrew. (Remember, kids, don’t drink and ride.)

Faraday Hyperboard

An electric skateboard using 3D printable modules is pretty damn cool. But does it have to look like a Transformer?

It’s the Buzz Lightyear of electric skateboards. To infinity and beyond… ugly.

MotoTec 1600W Dirt Electric Skateboard

If you like Monster Truck Shows, you’ll love the MotoTec 1600W Dirt Electric Skateboard.

Instead of “Trendy Scooter” they should have run with the Monster Truck Jam theme and called it Bounty Hunter, Big Foot or Gravedigger. Perfect if you want to drive on FRIDAY, FRIDAY, FRIDAY!

E-Nough Already with the Ugly Talk!

If the specs on your electric skateboard are great but its appearance is lacking, just keep moving. Nobody can tell what your electric skateboard looks like if you cruise by at 22 mph.

The post The 7 Most Appallingly Ugly Electric Skateboards Ever Made appeared first on .