ALSO: JIM HARBAUGH HELPED A COW GIVE BIRTH, NO BIGGIE

It should be considered no mere coincidence: We start the Edsbs Charity Bowl, and instantly Michigan’s head coach helps to bring new life into this world. Please note: Tactical khakis on, because they’re pants you can wear to the farm AND the football field. (Yes, Jim Harbaugh might have just done this to insure a steady supply of milk for himself because he is that devoted to dairy.)

The standings after one day for the EDSBS Charity Bowl are as follows. (If you’re a monthly donor, then you’re already counted here, btw.)

You have to like Case Western and “Ireland Rugby” sneaking in there. Our biggest individual donor came from USC, btw, so it was basically a classic uniform dominance day all around.

In honor of that, here’s two minutes of nothing but Sam Darnold shredding fools.

The drive runs through the end of the week, when Jim Harbaugh will drop like five grand on the total just to drive home Michigan’s inevitable victory like a two-point conversion attempted with a seventy point lead. (THE CARD SAID GO FOR TWO OKAY BLAME THE CARD.)

In the meantime, pace yourself. For instance, after warming up with a $16.10 donation, we thought we’d honor our master’s degree school—Georgia Tech—by making a relevant and timely donation.

We could have just made another donation in honor of Florida beating Georgia, but for once we wanted to do something new that we don’t get to do every year. You know, something that wasn’t routine, or as familiar as finding your way through your own living room in the dark.

Also, if you break it up, you get to make cruel jokes at the expense of your rival more often. Remember: Spite is a habit, and habits don’t form without consistency.

With that said:

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