This is the way we have been taught to understand our attractions: You’re either attracted to someone right now, or you won’t ever be. For example, Ann was attracted to guys who were somewhat arrogant, but she didn’t appreciate being treated disrespectfully by anyone—least of all by her boyfriend! Still, cocky guys turned her on in a visceral way, and nice guys just didn’t. She really wanted a husband and family, but the people she was attracted to weren’t Marriage Material, and the ones who were marriage material didn’t excite her. If you relate to Ann’s predicament, you certainly are

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