For the last few months I’ve felt like I have been slowly smothered in a full length cloak of other people’s luggage – which has included their projections upon me and also their misconceptions of me.  I’ve felt cornered, choked and thwarted.  It was like a container that was full to capacity and finally burst its seams.

I attempted to express and explain myself over and over again and it was met with a complete lack of understanding – resentment and much distortion ensued. I felt contaminated with streaks and smears of black cloud dust that was worming its way into my mind and heart.

I have since released myself from this predicament and I feel a new found flexibility and sense of freedom.  My creative power has once again become prolific and unimpeded.

I have felt a tangible mixture of hurt and conversely, complete and utter gratitude for the wisdom gained and the opportunity to learn from these unpleasant experiences.  I feel hurt that many people find so much comfort in playing the ‘victim role’, pointing the finger and finding reasons to tear you down, which of course extricates them from the real business of taking responsibility for their own projections and behaviour. 

It’s so much easier for others to point the finger of blame – they are right and everyone one else is wrong.  They wear the victim badge with pride and hope to hypnotise anyone within ears reach of their subsequent misery. 

I am by no means perfect but I do always try to see both sides – sometimes a little too much and it often does me no favours.  I try to be gentle, open and honest when speaking my truth and my feelings.  But, like anyone, I can become frustrated when people are so wrapped up in themselves that they cannot see beyond the end of their own noses and you feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall.

It’s also very difficult to have true conflict resolution with behaviour that is erratic, unhinged and blinded by anger.  You will never be heard or consequently come out of the fire unscathed.  They are locked in a maelstrom of their own creation and nothing you can ever say will penetrate that.

I also had to deeply own the reality that I allowed myself to be pulled into the drama.  I allowed myself to become clouded, until I got the very serious message from spirit literally bellowing around my ears: “You are done here, the lesson is learned, no need to keep slogging your guts out, you’ve done more than enough”.

I feel immensely grateful and, although these experiences were unpleasant, it was the necessary growth I needed.  And I will never repeat the experience again. I can file it away with the rest of my learned past under the title “RIP”.  I needed to finally learn this lesson that has been active for most of my life and I’m so glad I did.  I needed to re-define in my own terms where to put my energy and my focus and the events had to unfold in the manner they did so as to be steered away from dark, fruitless, limiting situations that seek to employ only blame missiles in the hope you will be knocked from your position of power. 

Well I wasn’t knocked from my position of power, I was temporarily misplaced and I zig-zagged aimlessly around the perimeters of life until I was forced to take heed.  A large part of my journey in this lifetime is to remove the burden of ‘the cloak of responsibility’, the mistaken belief that every lost soul that comes my way I need to assist and literally bend over backwards to support.  I am not responsible for others.  None of us are.  We can be kind and giving without allowing others to drain our blood. 

I truly deserve to have the opportunities in life to state what I need and there is inherent beauty in that even if others will ignore or throw it back in my face or attempt to disavow me.  We cannot let that stop us.  It’s about us and not them.  Even if they constantly try to make it about them! It’s important to move on with no resentment or grudge-holding in your heart.  I have had to become unusually gifted at forgiving and letting go of animosity, I’ve had so much practice. My past was set up that way but I am so grateful because it has made me the person I am today.  I believe on some level I came into this life to learn forgiveness on deep levels and I have been very successful at that.  Forgiveness is an act of self-love – we do it for ourselves and not for anyone else.  We do it so that we may be free and clear to move on unobstructed by the past or the present.

A wise friend recently reminded me that “People can say whatever shit they want about you it’s not important, let it go, it doesn’t really matter”.  And she was right, it was another graceful reminder.  It all starts within us.  And besides, life is too short.  We can wish that much joy, happiness and abundance find them but we don’t have to be pulled into the abyss with them.

Becoming clear that we are not responsible for anyone else’s emotions, thoughts, feelings or actions is very empowering.  So is stating what we need in life and then being able to let go of the outcome.  Let Spirit take care of the details, it knows the exact situations and experiences that will enhance us.  When we know in our hearts what we want and it is not clouded by conflicting emotions or deranged feelings, when there is a clear channel of knowing we deserve more and we feel that with every fibre of our being, this sends a direct message out into the cosmos.  The universe is always listening. It wants to bring us more abundance.  I have found that once I peeled the dense layers of other people’s ‘shit’ away, that beautiful synchronicities began to show up in my life and that other people began to affirm their love and appreciation for me. I picked up my guitar again for the first time in years, I began drawing again and my writing flowed out of me in a perfect current of harmony.  Everything seemed to fall into place without me even trying.

Once we let go of how we need something to happen then the energies behind the scenes get to work to orchestrate our vision and intentions into form. Spirit and Life begin crafting the landscape of our present and our future.  But we have to be clear, not just clear in our minds but clear in our hearts too, the opposing elements need to be resolved. A clear conduit must be created.  When anything is blocked, the flow is impeded and it’s then harder to manifest the things we want and need. Our mind can want one thing but our hearts often don’t believe we really deserve it.  This is where the real work must be done.  But it is incredibly rewarding work.

Be clear and then let go. The Universe is waiting for the signal.

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