When we begin to want to move back to our Source it becomes hard. There is a certain type of torment which ensues. It’s as if the realisation and often subsequent proclamation antagonises a part of us still in reservation about the whole endeavour. A challenge.

I have read, occasionally, that those who truly dedicate themselves to going home will encounter such difficulties. But what difficulties exactly are these? Surely it must become easier for the Christ follower when they have decided for Him at last?

What happens is the fear we hold inside, named as many things, none to that which it belongs, becomes enlivened and stirred, it worries, fears itself to be about made redundant. And it is true, there is a self, small and finite that we have come to inhabit and believe is us. And of course, when anyone senses a relinquishment of themselves as necessary or needed and they don't agree, they will protest.

So too is it for the initiate who is endeavouring in all sincerity to remember themselves in God. The first monster, indeed the only terror we will face on our return Journey is that one in ourselves.

You will find the freedom, feel its relief yet will you also Fall back down from that high peak. It will hurt, or rather you may do things that hurt yourself and believe you are wrecking your return.

Declaration of God’s life is not enough to save you from yourself, you need much more metal than a momentary exhilarating exclamation. As you will learn.

The greatest skill, indeed strength, that all Gods home-ward bound's have is the ability to pick oneself up and continue on. Practice makes perfect and tempers resolve.

Just know that you will let yourself down, do the wrong thing, say something out of line with Gods will. In essence, you will still be human, yet it is given you that you have accepted to see beyond your physical form and straight to your part God holds safely. So, you do not judge yourself, you do not try and analyse or think your way out of your remorse, no. it is the rule that you carry no guilt and it must also be understood that you do not know how to remove it yourself.

It is a three-way journey – you are not doing it alone, this is not a platitude or words of soft consolation. They are instructive. You need all that has been given you for the return journey – Christ – His Holy Spirit and your Brother. The three form an earth-made trinity for you to use to get you home. You will not be able to do it without them.

Fall down, get up, fall down get up, fall down get up – but never alone. The journey cannot be made alone. Finding the humility to see your own frailty as a teacher and saviour for yourself is the beginning. You do not know how to save yourself, you do not know, I do not know. Tell this to yourself. It is the beginning of humility 

Learn the words – then let them create a space for His coming, without it He has no alter to reside in.

Learn you do not know, learn to let go of all that you think you know; Judgement is not of Him: analyse is not of Him; intuition is not of Him; Even your words, they are not of Him.

Learn this by doing – the Sacred Silence makes space – but the space can only be born in a mind that finally says – I do not know.

I do not know what anything is for. I do not know how to get home. I do not know how to heal myself. Let me learn to become quiet so I may learn.

Let me learn so I do not know. Let me create the space for His coming in my mind. Let the sacred Silence He has given me be my gift to Him now, the altar upon which He may enter and begin to teach me I do not know nor do I need to. For He is here, risen in me. I do not know resistance so long and depleting. Let my journey begin with a face-flattening, knee bending, a laying down before my great great ego - but shall I turn away, silently, worshipping it no more. Shall I give up my great intelligence and leave that crust to fall apart, its substance no-longer sustaining. When I raise my eyes let them be to His face, when I reach my hand, let it be to touch the softness of His tips, when I hear a sound let it be crafted by the music of His presence and when I seek an action let it be His command. For I seek the solace of my Brother now. He knows. I do not. He leads me where I would go now. 

Time has only been for this purpose. Amen.