I’ve been meaning to blog about this but never really had the courage to do so. A lot of people have asked me how I really lost weight, so I’m writing about everything.

Before I start, I just want to put a disclaimer out there; I am NOT a nutritionist. I do not promote (and will never) unhealthy eating. I am writing this so people who wanted to lose weight could be aware of the extreme damage they’re doing with their body with the type of diet that I did.

I was never slim and I was very spoiled. If I didn’t get what I want, I’d throw a tantrum. And that also applied with the foods that I wanted to eat. Most of the foods that I loved eating was canned corned beef, sausages, beef jerky, and other types of unhealthy foods. I do eat vegetables, but I loved eating unhealthy foods MORE. I was able to finish a pack of Lay’s and M&M’s in one seating.

I also grew up drinking a carton of Cow Head’s milk.
Back when I was in Elementary and High School, I’ve always thought that I wasn’t the biggest girl in class. We were three and our classmates kept calling us names, but it never really hit me. I thought that they were only trying to tease us because we were chubby and cute.

We had this thing where we weight-in back in High School and when I found out I was the biggest, I didn’t believe them. I thought that it was only because the weighing scale might be broken. So even when I found out I was heavy, I still kept eating.

Honestly, when people teased me; calling me fat, ugly, full of lumps really hurt me a lot. (I still remember the people calling me these names, so when you’re reading this: I love y’all.) I only laugh and smiled at them just for a show, but that didn’t really help me lose weight. It stresses me out to the point where I didn’t care anymore. I kept on eating.

I joined a Theater Club back in college because I’ve always been into arts. There were only two bigger members, which was me and another girl, whom I thought was bigger than me because she was taller. So I was in denial, still. This continued up to the second semester of my third year. My sister even told me she will never threw me a grande 18th birthday party if I don’t try to lose weight. Think that was enough to make me start moving my as*? No.

Everything started when I got ill. I got so sick that I wasn’t able to attend school for a month. Probably because my body was punishing me. I also had a severe gingivitis where I couldn’t even drink water because my gums were aching so bad if I do. I was only relying with the toothpaste that the Dentist had recommended me. *Because if I used that toothpaste, the pain would go away when I drink or eat porridge. 

After a month, I managed to lose a lot of weight. Probably around 5kg. BUT, since I wasn’t able to eat the foods that I liked, I went back to binging. Which only lasted for a month. I met a guy at school, he showed me a picture of his old self and gave me tips on how to lose weight. That really inspired me. So after school, I didn’t eat anything.

This is where my unhealthy diet journey have started: 

This was the picture that I took the first day I went on a diet. I didn’t eat anything but a bowl of tamarind soup. That’s how desperate I was.

*Mind you, this picture was edited to hide my belly lumps.

My diet consisted of eating one scrambled eggs and three pieces of plain biscuits everyday. I never ate rice. I stopped drinking soda and juice. I stopped eating everything that I loved.

Of course, cutting out the calories you take isn’t enough. So my exercise? I go for a two hour jog at 5:00 AM, dance from 1:00PM ~ 3:00PM and then go for another jog at 5:00PM to 7:00PM. I was torturing my body. Sometimes, I’ll only eat a piece of apple or drink a glass of milk in a day while over working out.

I walked a lot, even at home. There was a time where I only drink a cup of hot green tea and wouldn’t eat anything. I was often rushed in our school’s clinic because my vision were getting darker. My anemia got worst.

I ate less, I moved more. I went from 130Kg to 58Kg.

Even when the Doctor told me to eat at least a cup of rice, I never did. I was scared of going back to how I was when I was already seeing a lot of improvements with my body. I kept starving myself and even started going to the gym and started drinking lemon infused water.

I even collapsed at the gym because of severe anemia. Luckily my sister was there with me.

I’m telling you this: If you go to the gym, make sure you’ve really dedicated to live a healthy lifestyle, because if you only go to the gym to lose weight and you stopped, you’ll get a rebound. I think gym is for the people who has a very active lifestyle.

DO NOT: Do not deprive yourself with food. You’ll get a rebound. Do not over exercise yourself. Two hours a day should be enough.

I even started following the vegan diet, but that also didn’t help me because I thought I wouldn’t gain weight if I eat healthy foods. I started forgetting about the portion of the foods that I was consuming.

Remember:

1. Smaller plates will help you fool your mind. I never eat on a bigger plate anymore, up until now. I only eat on a smaller plate. And, don’t forget about the portion.
2. Sometimes, you’re not really hungry. You’re just bored. So if you think you’re hungry even after eating, just drink water and distract your mind.
3. Never deprive yourself with food and never starve yourself.

Because I deprived myself with food, I started eating a lot of foods high in sodium, like instant ramen and miso soup. I even cook my ramen with miso instead of the ramen powder. (with eggs.)

I rebounded. I went back to 75Kg.

This was taken back in May 2018. It took me four months to lose a lot of water weight. My type of exercise? Go check out Rebecca Louise. She will help you get motivated. She also has a YouTube channel where you could workout with her.

If you think you ate a lot, go for a walk. Just move around and burn some extra calories. Just don’t deprive yourself with food. There’s a lot of healthy options that you could swap in your diet. Like rice porridge. Instead of using rice, use oat instead. It’s one of my favourites.

And now I’m back to 58Kg.

I started going back to eating smaller portion. I admit, up until now, I still starve myself. But I eat more than I used to. I used to consume about 200 calories before and now, it went to 500 calories. It’s still not healthy, but please, eat. Don’t be like me.

Go and have yourself a cheat day. Make Sunday your cheat day where you could eat the foods that you want to eat. Eat more veggies and less fatty/oily foods.

If people call you names, you can use that as a motivation to make them eat their words. Be a badass you are.

I hope this story inspires you. I know it can be hard, but what doesn’t challenge you, doesn’t change you. No pain, no gain.