Don’t you love the times that, after you think of an idea, help falls from out of nowhere? The very next day after the first Findomme post, I get an Direct Message on Twitter.

” Good morning Miss. How is your research going?”

Now I don’t know who this is, but I’m curious, so I bite.

“Average”

I figured this was just the regular Twitter
weirdness, but the mystery person persisted.

” It is an extremely interesting world. I’ve been entangled in this for more than 15 years. The psychology of it is amazing.”

With that, I almost screeched with joy. None of the other Findommes I came across was willing to speak to me. Maybe this was the in I needed. Just as I was typing the who-are-you question, they answer. “For me as a sub, it’s all about a woman who can get inside of my mind, plant triggers and find the buttons to push. Once she knows a little bit about you, your fears, your likes and dislikes, your strengths and weaknesses, she can begin to manipulate them with her words and her looks.”

Well fuck, I though, my looks won’t get me a cup of coffee. Mystery Person continued, ” I am a submissive who is been entangled in this for more than 15 years. In my real life, I am an intelligent successful and happily married man.”
Another question answered. So this sub gentleman was willing to talk. I started taking notes furiously. I asked him how this satisfied him. Was the rush of the head game like a Drug high?
” It is indeed, it’s very much like a drug addiction. I believe, just like any other drug there’s a chemical reaction that takes place in the brain. When that starts to happen there’s a rush and a high. Confusion weakness and arousal all at the same time.”
What were the chances of getting a source that could actually answer the nagging WHY of this. He confirmed my first idea, that like regular (?) BDSM, the psychological was dominant to the physical. Mind fuck comes before body fuck. I asked him if things had changed in the years he had practiced.

” The fetish has been invaded by young ladies who think this is easy money. They are either the “fuck you pay me” types or the spoiled princess type.”I agreed that I too had noticed the overflow of ‘fuck you pay me’. I told him I though this missed the point entirely.

” For me the mental part is essential. I agree. It is a very intense relationship between the dominant and submissive, not the shallow role-play that you see mostly.” It seemed it made way more sense to know your sub well to toy with them, instead of just Demanding Money and hurling insults. My new friend agreed.

“The more you know about your intended target the more you can manipulate them. For me, the best take time to get to know the submissive. They make him feel comfortable talking about himself asking questions. Even a small thing like his real first name can be a trigger in the beginning.” This all sounded more and more familiar. I’d used these techniques as a sex worker to get the client comfortable and induce intimacy.

” She [the domme] just uses it to start breaking down your ego. Being seduced and destroyed simultaneously turns most men to mush. The feelings become intermixed and confused, humiliation arouses them eventually. Then they can begin to have you do physical things that further the distraction of ego. When that is all happening it becomes much easier for them to course or demand tributes from you.That’s why it’s like a drug, you don’t want that feeling to end even though you know it can destroy you so you begin to pay for your drug. It’s not about yelling and name calling and being a bitch. There are much more subtle ways to control someone.”

At this point, I knew my new friend could help me more than any Findomme could. I didn’t want to be just a cunt, demanding money for no skills. I prided myself, during my sex worker days, in offering things the younger, better looking girls couldn’t. This would be no different. I have my pride, and I swore I’d be as good at this as possible.

I asked the new friend if he could help me learn. Very graciously, he offered to let me practice on him online at my convenience, for free. So we set an appointed time to talk online for my first session as a Findomme In Training.