It was no coincidence I sat behind you in class whenever possible. I would stare at the back of your Neck, willing you to turn around and talk to me when the opportunity presented itself. You always had a smile and something funny to say, but my favorite times were when I would be able to catch your eyes and get you to stumble over your words while I returned your gaze, making the moment a little more intense than you initially intended it to be. I was never happier than when we were paired up to work on our big research papers, and it just made sense for us to go to the University libraries together…and for you to drive me home after we were finished.
You were such a serious student, intent on doing thorough research for your paper. I mostly searched for ways to distract you, hoping that you might catch me in a deserted aisle of the library and be enticed to hold me up against the shelves and kiss me. I still get a little aroused when I walk through that library, smelling the dusty ink of the books and thinking of your body pressing against mine.
Then the drive home…knowing that we would sit in the car and “talk” for a while before my curfew. Of course, we did little talking and quite a lot of kissing. Early on, we were not ready to go too far, so great attention was paid to the lips, neck, shoulders. There was a particular spot on my neck, just below my ears that would trigger flashes of goosebumps when you would kiss me there. When I touch it now, I imagine your face buried in my shoulder while one of your hands would Slowly creep up my arm, and down my chest to lightly rest near my breast. You were testing me to see how far I would allow that hand to wander, and I definitely wanted it to go right under my blouse and into my bra where my nipple would already be erect. Eventually, we would get there…and farther.
I knew that you were not the kind of boy who would rush things or force me to do something I wasn’t ready for. The truth was that I felt ready, and eager from nearly the beginning. I knew I was supposed to say no, but couldn’t bring myself to do it when I wanted to feel your hands and lips all over me. I would notice your erections while we were necking, and one night finally worked my hand up your thigh until my fingers brushed against your cock. I can still feel my fingernail slowly running up the length of it rippling against the ribs of your corduroy pants.
After those long evenings of kissing, caressing, and teasing I would go inside and when undressing my panties would be soaked through. I would often caress myself, wishing it was you…wishing I’d let you do it… wondering if you went home and did the same thing. I imagined us in our separate houses, masturbating and thinking about each other while we came.
There was something so delicious about the rush of teenage hormones being satisfied so, so, gradually. The dichotomy of wanting to just get to IT!!...yet still being a little afraid and unsure, so going slowly. The torture of that struggle was sweet and I yearn for that feeling of wanting you so badly, but trying to hold back knowing that I would certainly give in at some point. Funny how I find myself back in that same mindset today. Having to wait to see you, and not even being sure where things will lead is torture. But it’s a wonderful pain that I feel every night when I get in bed and my mind wanders to thoughts of you and what it might be like to be together again. I guess it’s not so different from those nights all those years ago when I would stroke myself and think of you.
