As much as I don't want to, I'd still get disappointed. It's not only the unmet expectations but also the trust that was just easily thrown out of the window. Why? I really want to know why people do that?

If you can't commit, then don't. I know how hard it is to go through the process but you have to decide. You just can't say yes and then just leave the rest of the team hanging when the road gets tough. That's so irresponsible. That's so immature.

I know I'm ranting again but I just can't help it. Once? Twice? How many times am I going to let all your excuses cover your lapses?

Partly, it's my fault. I trusted you. And I continued to trust you even after your first mistakes. I did not confront you believing that you'd change. That you'd realize that I'm kind enough not to blame you for all the mess that I keep on covering up.

I hope and pray that you would realize how important it is to value your relationship with the people around you specially those who trusted  and believed in you.

Lord,

I know that I'm bringing back that old me who just keeps on ranting every single moment. Forgive me if I just have to let this out. I can't help it. I can't confront that person for I know I'd probably say things that I would regret in the end. I want to control myself. I want to let this out without hurting anyone. I know that I'm just hurting myself more. I completely understand that. But I've ran out of options.

Let me be the person you'd want me to be now, right at this very moment, when my emotions are unstable and my brain's just keep on running back and forth. Help me conquer this battle. Lead me to the path you'd want me to take.

Amen.