Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear.
— Mother Teresa to the Rev. Michael Van Der Peet, September 1979

For the last month and a half I have not been in a good place so I have taken a friends advice. They said to me that if I do not have anything nice to say, then do not say it at all, especially online! :) Looking at it all now I realize it is not that I don't have anything nice to say, it is just that I feel lost and abandoned. I have been going through the motions of being a good Catholic girl. Teaching my classes, and attending mass. Working on prayers with my daughter and being a good listener for Little Faith, when all the while in my head I am saying what the hell...... why am I doling all of this crap? I don't feel the love of our Father, hell I think he forgot about me!
I feel like every time I need him he is not there and when I am down he flicks me. For the first time in years I don't feel him near me! In confession I told Father I don't like God very much right now. I wanted to cry saying those words. I thought after everything God and I had been through, we would always be best friends!
It makes me think of Job and everything he went through and still loved God, but yet that was no help to me. Then in confession Father reminded me of Mother Teresa and how even she was in the dark! That made me feel better. Even Saints feel darkness. The moral of all this is that I may feel like God is not near me, but like everything I will get over it. When I REALLY need him I know he will be there for me. I realize I am needy right now and I think God wants to show me I can do things with his help, but that I don't always need him to push me!