By Javinne J. McCoy
Back in 2014, I posted a post The Loveantics’ Valentine’s Day Guide for Singles: 10 Love Notes. In short, it was basically a reality checker for singles to ward off that thing called The Relationship Leper Mentality.
We are so groomed to validate us from the love “out there”, instead of within ourselves-the entire premise of Valentine’s Day.
Now, if you have a healthy relationship where you are being loved, respected, it’s emotionally available, and mutual, then brava that’s beautiful.
I’m not trying to be the prophet of doom and gloom here, but what about falling in love with you? What about Loving yourself?
What about loving you?
If we don’t have someone booed all up on our arm, we treat ourselves like misfits, for not having nailed down the relationship that will bring us a level of happiness we can’t even muster up a lick of alone.
If you are single but bashing yourself upon the head with an anvil of shame about your relationship failures (which are not even failures if you were involved with unavailable folk), Valentine’s Day can be like throwing scotch bonnet pepper hot sauce into an open wound.
Your nerves can be especially ‘tried’ if you have just recently experienced a breakup (but have not put a positive slant on the breakup), experienced a relationship fall out, or experienced any type of loss in your life.
These are the times when we need to be most vigilant and keep the self-esteem wells flowing with self-care, nurturing self-talk and uplifting self-esteeming actions.
If you left a relationship for ‘good reasons’ and walked away from a person or situation that was causing you pain, you did the right thing by you.
You had your back. You showed up for you. Your self-esteem was in the building.
With that’s said, even when we take the ‘right’ action , it doesn’t always feel good, and when we encounter, specific dates, specific holidays, or specific triggers we may utilize our associations with the past to make us feel like crap in the present.
Valentine’s Day is one of the days ripe to get our Self-loathing Baskets out and get to picking from the Lets Make Myself Feel Bad About the Fact That I am Single apple tree. Below is a list of reasons 14 why loving you is better than not loving you.
14 Reasons Loving You is Better Than Not Loving You:
- Loving you is better than not loving you because a healthy relationship with you sets the tone for all current relationships and the future relationships you will experience.
- Loving you is better than not loving you because your commitment is to validate you regardless of your relationship status.
- Loving you is better than not loving you because if someone chooses not to love you, you won’t see it as a rejection of you, you will respond by rejecting them and you won’t settle for second best.
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Loving you is better than not loving you because you are a unique individual with a lot to offer. Give it to you first and then you can healthily share it with others.
- Loving you is better than not loving you because they sure weren’t able to do it. So why leave it up to them?
- Loving you is better than not loving you because you need to go to bed with you at night, and wake up with you in the morning. Do you really want be on duty for not loving you around the clock? Nuff’ said.
- Loving you is better than not loving you because the day will come when you realize the one relationship you were yearning so deeply for is with you.
- Loving you is better than not loving you because IT JUST IS.
- Loving you is better than not loving you because it is a repellent for emotionally unavailable men, woman, and relationships. It keeps them far, far, far, away.
- Loving you is better than not loving you because you can more easily make peace with the mistakes you have made, learn the relationship and life lessons, and apply the lessons next-go-round, and move on.
- Loving you is better than not loving you because you will be a pain in the arse to you, if you are not loving you.
- Loving you is better than not loving you because to leave that sole responsibility to someone else gives them way too much power. They are not God. Don’t give it to them.
- Loving you is better than not loving you because you have been way too hard on yourself. The same amount of empathy you have extended to people (people who probably don’t deserve it), you need to give that empathy to you.
- Loving you is better than not loving you because you deserve to be loved, respected, honored, and cherished by YOU.
As this Valentine’s Day passes, don’t make your own self feel like crap because you are single. If you walked away from an emotionally unavailable situation or any relationship that was not befitting of you , you are sending out signals to the universe that you deserve better and you are taking action.
Sometimes that action means we have to walk alone without relationship- you can live with that. What you can’t live with is not loving you. Loving you is better than not loving you-always and forever. Make that your sweet something for the day!
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The post 14 Reasons Loving You is Better Than Not Loving You: Loveantics Valentine’s Day Reflections for Singles appeared first on Love Antics- The Relationship Blog.
