Today was a hectic and stressful day for me. All day at work, I kept checking my bank account,hoping that somehow, by some miracle, my account would suddenly become overflowed with funds. Sad to say that instead of being overcome with joyful glee, I was slap in the face with a sad fact, realizing that my bank account is metaphorically anorexic.

I need to get a second job but in a economy where people are looking for a 1st job, the task of gaining secondary employment is harder than winning the lottery. (which, I must say, I haven't had any luck with either) Craig's List, Monster, Career Builder, and all the other sites where one can look for a job online seems only to be flooded with 'scammers', those sick individuals who are trying to take advantage of people trying to find gainful employment. After all the resumes that I have sent out, I get plenty of responses... If I want to send them money to work---(ARE YOU KIDDING ME).

My mother and I are the best of friends, and I tell her everything. This has always been a habit for me (which got me in trouble a few times growing up... more on that on another post-lol) and she is highly aware of my financial difficulties. My mom, God Bless her Soul, has helped me out tremendously in the past, and I am so grateful to her. When my dad past away, my mother moved to Michigan to be closer to her parents. I also stayed there for about two years, however, I hated every second of living there. Number 1---its too cold!!! I mean, it gets so could out there, that if you go outside in winter, the moisture in your eye would freeze, and you have to go to a special doctor to get it fix... Ok, maybe not that cold, but for a person that has never even seen snow in their lives, nor, even felt what it was like to feel temperatures that was below 50 degrees, a true Midwest winter could prove to be a great tragedy. Which was the case with me. Another con about where my mother stays is the population. I do not want to mention what city my mom lives in.. Not to protect her privacy, but because her city is so small, you would think that I'm making up the name of the city. Trust me. You would try to "Goggle" the city, find out that Goggle cannot find the city, then you would think that I'm lying and all my creditability would be thrown out the window.... Yes, her city is that small. In fact, when I went to go visit my mother one time, I actually got a flier for a "Cow-Tipping Contest"...No, you did not read that wrong... COW TIPPING!!! Needless to say, she stays in a small city.

My mom has been trying to get me to move back with her for awhile now, and this is a huge conflict between us, as well as a conflict between my two consciences. One part of me wants to move back with her. Sometimes I still feel like I'm "playing grown-up", and now I don't want to play this game anymore. I want to move back with my mom, try to save up some money, re-coupe and get back on my feet, and start fresh. And, if my mom lived closer to where I am currently staying at, it wouldn't even be a form of discussion. My behind would be at my moms house right now, getting the dinner that she prepared, and loving every second of it... Sadly, this is not the case. My mom stays in a city that people are trying to get away from.

The other half of my brain wants to stay in California. Stubborn, is what my mother calls it, but I don't see it that way. I see the reason I want to stay here is because California is the place where dreams can happen. I feel like maybe soon, I will get that raise, or finally find that second job to help me in this financial crunch that I currently find myself in.(Or, better yet, some mega hot super star will see me from across the street, fall madly in love with me, we get married, star in a reality show, and have 3 kids, two dogs and a kitty cat.... hey, it could happen) I do not want to "give up and run home to mommy" to a state where unemployment is far worst off then it is here in California. And, it would cost me so much to move. Moving cost, the cost to ship my car, and not to mention my "lease break fee" in the amount of $2,500.00. And, I am from California, born in raised out here. I have the Cali Sunshine embedded deep in my bones, and I absolutely love it out here... except for the traffic.... and the cost of living.

Yes, they're pros and cons in both staying and moving in with my mother. But, aren't I too old just to give up? I mean, I just turn 30 years old. (Wow, that the first time I seen that in black and white..please give me a moment to compose myself-yikeesss) My biggest fear is that I give up, move back in with my mom, and missed a Golden Opportunity out here... But, in retrospect, what if I am suppose to move out there, and God's is giving me all these signs that I am suppose to move out to Michigan to be closer to my mom. So, I have a choice. Do I continue my life in California, even though I have a job, a nice place to live, transportation to get to and from work, family and friends, 1 1/2 seasons (summer and sometimes spring-lol), the beach, sushi, avocados, but am also dealing with living pay check to pay check... Or do I move to Michigan, where I living with my mother, rent free, saving up my money (that is, if I am blessed with getting a job in a jobless economy), but, have to deal with the knowledge that there is only so far a person can go in her city, the extreme weather (which I am not use too) and the only form of entertainment is....