...I woke up every morning, showered and then listened to FM radio as I primped for the day. It took less than an hour. Somehow, I braved high school without being hygienically taunted.

I must say, as well, I was ahead of my time in nail polish. In freshman algebra class, I passed around my jean bag containing my collection of nail polish. I had 136 bottles. I was proud of that. Now nails are on TV. I saw a commercial for a reality show about fingernails.

The problem is that it takes quite a while to do a proper 70's nail job. It must take half a day for some of the crazy stuff they do today. Don't get me wrong, I like some of it and could see myself getting a 4 hours manicure. Now, this is where the problem comes in. I fricking give up. That hour that I spent get ready for high school was nothing compared to what women do now.

Number one had got to be shaving dead center between each pelvic bone. Why? Was this a problem for all time or is there something in pubic hair that the government isn't telling us about that began rather recently? But, I do think that watching women get Brazilian waxed would be more entertaining than nail polish. I'd watch that before I watched nail polish. Watching nail polish TV is the female equivalent of watching golf. Both sexes are after the same goal here....to be left alone in your own private thoughts without the distraction of some testosterone induced fool bitching because I broke the yolk.