When in actuality, it is you. And that’s okay. Do we only tell people “it’s not you, it’s me” to make ourselves feel better?

I wonder when the guys who have either ghosted or told me that there wasn’t a Connection and it had nothing to do with  me, were they lying? I usually ignore their pity and fall into a pit of what could I have done differently?! Every time I’ve had to end some sort of relationship, I tell them that I just don’t feel a connection. Usually because the guy has this incessant need to mansplain EVERYTHING or he feels the need to argue facts that I provide with his opinion. It’s something about THEM that I don’t like for ME. But what if we told people the reasons why we don’t feel a connection?

“You’re an arrogant asshole and it’s pretty disgusting.” Or “Maybe if you weren’t such a misogynist, I could possibly give this another shot without feeling the temptation to jump in front of a Mack truck every time you speak.”

Yeah, I guess that wouldn’t work. But is there some kind of way to gently tell someone why you’re no longer interested without coming off as the Perfect narcissist? I know I’m not perfect or I honestly just say that to appeal to others. Either way, I know I have character flaws too. There are things I can definitely work on and things that I could possibly change. Yet, when we just basically tell someone you suck and good luck, we’re pushing them back into the dating pool without offering our unsolicited advice on how they could suck less as a human being. Is it even up to us? I’m not sure how I would feel if someone told me “You’re great and all, but you’re very opinionated and I’d rather have a docile woman.”…

I had a discussion with a friend who is tired of building people up only for them to use their advice in a different relationship. So how do we help those poor souls who are self-proclaimed good guys/girls who just need a chance?

My uncle told me I need to “rebrand” myself. Yes he’s a business man. He basically told me if you’ve been trying something for a long time and it’s not working try something else. How do we effectively do that while still maintaining who we are as individuals? Is it up to us to do some self reflection and realize that our personality is a turn-off? Is it really them and not us?

I don’t have the answers and this is not a dating blog. I’m just a girl on a bench at a lake in the winter wondering if I ruined some guy’s day this morning by telling him it’s not you, it’s me.