JUST BE YOURSELF

We have heard this again and again from Women, naturals, Dating coaches.

And it is confusing to Say the least because in the moment we are being ourselves.

Then we try to act to be ourself, which leads to more confusion in our minds.

I by self observation, thinking have come to which I believe an effective hack to be ourself.

We are product of our Belief systems which are generated through experiences and information both consciously and unconsciously.

On a spiritual level we may not be our beliefs, mind or body, but let me stick to more practical aspects of living.

I have realise we rarely sit quietly to examine our Belief Systems. Not questioning, judging or condemning but just examining.

Which invariably leads to the faulty idea of who we are.

Then there are our actions and behaviours which we showcase to other people verbally and non verbally.

Combining the faulty idea of who we are and actions that we create leads to misalignment of our perceive image to women in general.

The above statement can be best explained by an example.

Assuming you are In a conversation with a girl, and she mentions that she loves Dogs, and you reply back saying oh that’s so cool or that’s sweet(faulty belief), but in reality you dislike dogs or are indifferent to it (real belief)

Then a time comes you are walking on the street with her, and a cute dog passes by. You completely ignore the dog(action).

She notices that, doesn’t say anything but it is register in her mind which creates a sense of mistrust.

In the above example you are clearly not being yourself and you may be unaware of it.

In dating phase we are always looking for signs of congruence. We give more importance to it in initial phases.

So how do we become more of ourselves?

Start noting down your belief systems. Specifically ones that really matter in day to day interactions.

For example;

I am a helpful person.

I love feminine energy.

I am non Gossiping person.

Once you note them down, dispassionately look at them and see whether some of your recent actions prove other wise.

For example you gossip about some guy who do not mean to you much, but you never gossip about your close loved ones.

So this means you are non gossiping for your loved ones and gossiping about other people.

Note down your new belief about who you are, in the above example,

I am non gossiping for my loved ones and sometimes gossiping about other people.

Now the most difficult part comes, in presence of a woman you don’t hold back what you are, irrespective of how it might seem to her.

Taking the example of gossip, in a conversation with woman, she says “my friend she is such a bitch, she is gossiping all the time”.

Don’t hesitate to say coolly “some times I have notice that I also gossip about less meaningful people.”

You might say If I be myself then a woman might reject me.

She might reject you any which ways.

If there are certain beliefs system that comes up during this self introspection, that you don’t fancy it, then change it.

Charity begins at home:

My old belief:

I love kids.

My new belief after looking back at my actions:

I love kids who are cuter or those kids who belong to my friends and family. Kids who look non cute don’t inspire joy and playfulness in me. I am indifferent to them.