Ugh, why is the pain there so much? It seems that every guy that I have ever remotely been Interested in is either in a relationship or wanting to be in one with someone else.

It’s just a part of brokenness from this past weekend. I feel like a part of me is breaking all over again. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be happy for my friends, but seeing as I’m single once again that the pain seems all the more real and me finding someone seems all the less likely. I got confirmation this past weekend that 2 guys I have liked in the past and always wonder “what if? Maybe one day …” are pursuing things with other friends of mine.

On Saturday, I was talking to a girlfriend and from the way that she was talking I got the impression that she was getting to know Guy 1 and possibly interested in seeing where things went. Which talking about the whole thing, just make emotions move and start getting me worked up. Later on, she did mention that she didn’t see things working out with this guy, so I suppose a part of my heart felt relieved, but it still pained me to know that he was interested in someone else, when I have been here going back and fourth over the past 8 or 9 years of knowing him and never having him show any interest in me but is always interested in one friend or another.

For the past few weeks I have wondered about Guy 2 and another friend that of mine. Had actual confirmation that they are an item this morning. And this guy, I know, wouldn’t date if he didn’t think there was a marriage potential there. Which saddens me, because I practically bore my heart to him a number of Years Ago, only for him to say he’s not looking for anything, he wasn’t ready for any relationship. And although it was years ago and I’m sure we weren’t meant to be, a part of it hurts to know that he’s found happiness and I keep trying relationships that don’t work. After I had told him I liked him, it took a long time to get our friendship back to where it was, and I suppose if I’m honest, it’s still not really where it was before.

I suppose that there could still be a possibility with Guy 1, but I’m really not sure if things ever will work out with him or anyone.

I just feel like I’m stuck in a rut, that I’m never going to meet anyone and that I’ll be single forever …