Right so i’m back, i honestly didn’t think i would get so hooked on this blog stuff but in all honesty? it was all i kept thinking about all day and night to the point where i literally wanted to hurry up and get home and get writing again. but anyway enough of the sentimental crap i’m sure you didn’t come back for that *Rolls Eyes* ( still getting a hang of this blog stuff so if i make a mistake then sue me ).

Leaving my apartment last night to go walk in the city at just after midnight with the memory of what i wrote on my blog still firmly in my head actually managed to bring back some memories of me and Jen, i mean obviously just small snippets nothing like OMG I HAVE TO CALL HER AND GET HER BACK…. no no no… just a few smiles and most importantly the lesson i learned from it which i have taken into the present day, but anyway so we got up to the part where i told you about ”Jessica” yeah so shortly after i broke things off with Jen i started hanging out with Jessica, now me and Jessica actually had no history together but the actually funny part was that she actually went to the same primary school as me but she was some years younger… but the real comedy was that she actually admitted to having a crush on me in primary school!. Weird right? that i would end up somehow talking to her years and years on and hanging out with her and learning another big life lesson from her, to best way to describe her to you she was quite tall about 5ft 7 long blonde hair and had a very very intoxicating smile i mean this girl was just as good as gold she was innocent she was funny and most of all she was caring, she would actually listen to my problems ( which for all you women out there we actually do like it when girls listen to our problems too we just don’t admit it because we think showing sensitivity is a weakness ) it was refreshing because while i wasn’t heartbroken from the Jen relationship i find i always need to get it off my chest because it helps and i’d encourage anyone else to follow this advice.

Over the course of the next month we would send each other thousands of texts a day and  go for drives and walks and hang out at home watch movies ect ect and i even introduced her to my parents and vise versa, because why not? shes just a friend no biggie? right?. Wrong, you see when you’re in the ‘moment’ you don’t see it, you don’t see the big picture you don’t see whats really going on. Now i am 100% sure you could see whats going on am i right? yes we were falling for each other.. ( i know such a cliche GAWD ) but you see however ‘ cliche ‘ it may be the beauty of it was it wasn’t expected and as the famous law of attraction states ”The best Things Happen when you least expect them.” Its like a gift from the universe when you’re down on your knees you’re given something that will lift you back up again. Call me crazy but i have had too many gifts from the universe to not believe in the greater power, my biggest mistake was taking them for granted.

But anyway back to the main point.

one night i got home from work completely exhausted, i just wanted to go home get in my bed turn on the t.v and lock myself away from the world which is what i did… around 8pm my phone started ringing it was Jessica. ” Hey, are you okay? haven’t heard from you all night! was wondering if you want to come over for dinner my moms cooking.” ( her mom was a fox like honestly incredibly hot and a mean cook ) so i got dressed and drove on over i walked in her whole family were at the table waiting for me including her siblings ( it was the first time of meeting them i only ever really met her mom and dad ). I was scared it was so strange it was like for the first time i started to get a different vibe from the situation, i felt shy for the first time and didn’t say much at dinner which seemed to concern Jessica because after dinner went to her room to watch a movie and she was questioning everything but not in a weird way like she was just genuinely showing concern for me and asking if i am okay and asking if want to talk about whatever is bothering me which really took me aback because then it hit me, this girl is incredible? it was like a wave that started at the bottom of my body and flew right up to my head and it was like a few seconds of euphoria  but then the panic started to set in ” oh my god, i am going to ruin this friendship because what if she doesn’t feel the same!?!? what if she’s just a genuinly nice person who cares about me? WHAT IF I AM ALREADY IN THE FRIEND ZONE OH MY GOD I AM FREAKING OUT RUN AWAY FROM THE HOUSE RUN!!!!!!” then the sound of her voice repeatedly saying my name and clicking her fingers i snapped out of it.

I was on what’s called ‘ autopilot’ its like a guy thing when a girl talks we switch on auto pilot so we look like we’re listening but we aren’t we’re probably staring at your boobs or in my case overthinking and freaking the **** out. I said ” ohhhh its nothing just a long day.” But that was it now in my head it was now a make or break moment… while i could tell there was some flirting, i wasn’t overly convinced that she felt the same which made me think, ” do i go for it? do i try and give her a kiss when i leave tonight? or put my arm around her during the movie? or tell her how i feel?” LITERALLY MY MIND WAS GOING INTO OVERDRIVE AND I COULD NOT CONCENTRATE ON THE STUPID MOVIE. God that was the least of my problems because for the whole 2 hours i barely spoke to her and i could tell by her body language that something wasn’t right either like she was being off like a mirror to the way i was acting. The film ended it was about 11pm and it was the classical time to go home moment, i can’t begin to describe the nerves i was going through at the moment, the walk from her room to her utility where i had my shoes was like walking from one side of the great wall of china to the other ( yes i know a slight exaggeration ) it was excruciating, my head was in overload ” kiss her, no don’t, no come on just do it or at least tell her how you feel, omg don’t do that if she doesn’t feel the same then you will look like an absolute loser, yeah you’re right just get your shoes and go.” My confidence was at an all time low because lets not forget about a month before i had only just got out of a rough relationship.

So that was it i put my shoes on knowing that i wasn’t going to act upon my new found feelings because i was too scared of rejection, too scared of losing her as friend. Almost suddenly i wasn’t nervous anymore i wasn’t thinking about making a move i was suddenly at peace with my feelings as if i had accepted that the there was too much risk, so for the next 10 minutes everything went back to how it was before as if the last 3 hours didn’t happen, we were laughing and joking about and even planning when to see each other next. On that note i went to give her a hug goodbye as i always did except this time it was different we both held on and squeezed tight for a long time and we started talking to each other like quietly into our ears while hugging and we just kept hugging it was literally surreal because it was like an out of body experience I completely forgot about everything that was going on in my life and for those 2 minutes it was just me and her and the loud washing machine (which was ruining the moment a little bit). 

The truth is we didn’t whisper each other any cliche’s  i actually just remember telling her ” Jess your dog is staring at us hugging its kind of creepy.” And she just burst out laughing and it was like clockwork she took a step back and we were staring at each other laughing and saying our goodbyes and i just went for it, i kissed her :O…. it was relatively quick and was followed by a 5 second silence which to me at the time seemed like a 5 hour silence which was then followed by a hug from her again and a simple ” text me when you get home so i know you got home okay.” I tried to play it cool i said i would and i walked to my car and sat and drove off smiling like a Cheshire cat from ear to ear literally struggling to believe what had just happened. Shortly i arrived at home and we texted for about another hour before we called it a night, i lay in bed for about 30 minutes staring at the ceiling thanking god for everything promising him i wouldn’t mess this up. Now i would love to continue tonight but its 1:30am and i’m going to work in 6 hours so i’m going to bid you farewell but don’t worry…more to come.

Remember the lesson

i don’t know whats the best way to say this and i don’t want to sound all robotic trying to be philosophical but what i am trying to say here is i learned that sometimes you just have to just let the universe do its thing and let the higher power take over and let it choose the path for you because at the end of the day.

”The best things happen when you least expect them.”

or in cliché form.