I met with my neurosurgeon yesterday. It’s been a year since my spinal fusion and I am still having some Pain and difficulty. I had a functional capacity assessment (FCE) done and a CT scan to look at my spine.

The FCE came back with “valid” results (apparently this is good? Maybe some people try to fake these? They are hard to read? I have no clue) so everyone was pleased. It basically showed that I can work at a sedentary job for 8 hours a day but no lifting over 30 pounds. There is weakness in my right side. It recommended I don’t walk or stand for too long and don’t waist-lift heavy things. It’s sort of a permanent thing. This is where I am at. Period.

The CT scan showed that I have an actual Screw loose in my spine. It has an amount of “micro-movement” that bumps into nerves and throws my pelvis alignment off to compensate. My spine is starting to curve a bit to make up for it. The fusion has not completely fused and could use some more bone material. Another screw may be needed to stabilize my SI joint. The doctor recommended a revision. Normally time to heal, Physical Therapy, and pain management injections help quality of life. I’ve done all of those things. A LOT. So…

We know a bit more about my genetic condition that creates extra scar tissue and my bones ability to fuse. There are special tools, screws and some kind of dip that can be used. This will help to promote bone growth and minimize scarring. I have a lot to think about.

I am going to go back full-time to work next week. I guess I will see how my body responds to the added activity. At 36 I really don’t want to be this way forever. I can function with chronic pain and limitations. But do I have to?

I am leaning towards the revision surgery. Hard. Since Mary just started her new RTC there is a very good chance she will be there for a year. I will need a year to recover just like this past one. I wonder if it will be easier for me if I’m not worried about my physical safety and her mental state at all times. Could my healing process be a bit smoother?

How would this affect our children? Will it trigger Marcus, who just came home? Will it throw off Carl? How much stress and extra work will this cause Luke? And Mary…well, you can read about how is affected her here. It gets so complicated.

When I think of the long run I wonder how much my inability to do things affects them all now. I’m too tired. My back is too sore. I can’t walk for that long. It’s too much to go to lunch with my mom sometimes (booths care painful to sit in.) I need to take a muscle relaxer to sit through Carl’s band concert. We can’t take a long trip. I wouldn’t make it walking in the streets of New York City, the trip I have promised for over a year. I have to lie down on the heating pad…all evening.

The way things are now could be forever. It is unlikely that I will improve much from here. Unless we fix the problem. Luke supports the surgery. I think I want it. I am just not sure. The decisions are huge. Again, I would ask my reader to please wish us luck. And if you’re the praying kind then it can’t hurt to pray as I consider this huge decision. What’s next?

**Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.