The other day, our Minister brought up a point that I thought was really good.  It's something I'd thought about before, but the context he put it in brought his point home really well.

His discussion was about how to reach others when you're talking with them -- how to really make an impact.  The example he used was when he was talking with his son; all parents who have or have had adolescents or teens know how difficult it can sometimes be to reach them.

His story was about how his wife makes dinner for the family every night, and quite often, his son would throw a fit as soon as dinner was served.  (He apparently was a very picky eater, and didn't like the looks of much of what his mother served.)  He'd scowl up his face and make ugly comments about the food before he even tasted it.

The minister went on to say that he found something that was really important to the boy, (his Leggo creations) and the next time the boy came to show his dad his creation, his dad praised him, pointed out all of the great things about what his son had done, and made him feel really good about it, as he usually did when his son showed him what he'd built.  This time, though, he drew a parallel to the boy's mother who spent hours making dinner every night for the family.  He asked his son how HE would feel if, instead of telling the boy all of the great things about his Leggo creation, his father didn't even want to look at it, or didn't say anything nice about it.

The minister continued to tell his audience what happened in the discussion with his son; his son understood what it might be like to have his feelings hurt from insensitive comments.

The point to all of this was this:  facts can teach.  But you can really reach someone when you combine facts with feelings.  The father was able to find something that the boy felt really strongly about, and use that along with some facts, to make his point.

This can be the difference between what seems like "talking at" a son or daughter, and "talking with" them.  It's about talking their language.  It could take a little work, and some planning, but the results might be well worth it.  (And it might save a lot of other work -- and frustration -- that you might face otherwise!

And it's amazing where these kind of reminders might come from!


For more on this and other positive parenting topics, visit Positive Parenting with Purpose.  For specific pages related to this topic, check out Positive Parenting with a Plan, Parenting Talk, Emotional Development, and Parenting Skills.