A few days back, my Husband came home from work and told me that an elderly man in his 60s had come to the hospital and requested for a free consultation. The lady at the cash counter had rejected his appeal. The elderly man was crest-fallen. At that point, my husband happened to pass that way for his daily rounds and asked the lady in private what the matter was. The cashier said that she knew that the elderly man had 4 sons who all earned well, hence, he wasn’t deserving of a compensation. My husband told her that since they did not know the entire story, they must not judge him. It’s entirely possible that neither of his 4 sons took care of his financial needs. So, he should be allowed to apply for a free consultation.My husband works as a physician in a charitable trust hospital where the fees of poor and needy patients are sometimes forgiven by the trust.

‌Anyways, this elderly man came to my husband’s OPD for having his medical problems diagnosed. In the midst of their conversation, he broke down and began weeping bitterly like a little child. He told my husband that he had 4 young sons who were all well settled in life and earned handsomely. The man had spent his entire youth working zealously in order to get his sons educated, had spent all his savings in getting them married , having their separate houses built and also helped them in attaining good jobs. But today, all his sons had turned their backs on him and their mother and the elderly couple lived alone in a small shack in a pitiable state such that he was unable to afford money for his medical treatment. He was retired and ill, so, was unable to work any longer and depended on charity for survival. Many people refuse to help him as they assume he is well taken care of because he has 4 sons, but few people know the reality of his  miserable situation.

‌This isn’t a lone case. In the course of his work, my husband meets many parents like this elderly man – parents who have no one to share their woes with. They come for seeking treatment and in the midst, also bare their souls out to my husband. The pain children inflict upon their parents by their disobedience and rebellion is perhaps one of the worst pain a person can go through in life. It rips the heart and soul of the parent apart. Their eyes begin to hurt from crying yet their tears do not cease to rain.

‌Parents suffer endlessly sacrificing their youth, time, energy , money, efforts … everything one can imagine just to make life better for their offsprings and when this same progeny responds to their kindness with insolence and disobedience, it just shakes the world of their parents.

‌I , personally think it’s better to be childless than have a child who’s going to cause you distress later on in life. Islamically too, when you pray to the Almighty for a child, you’re asked to pray not just for the child to be healthy and smart, but also for him to be pious and righteous who will grow up to be the coolness of your eyes. I know many parents who spent years praying for a child, but did not pray to God to make the child virtuous. The very child grew up and became a source of such misery and heartache to the parents that they wished it would have been better if they had not been blessed with a child at all.

There’s a story about Khidr and Prophet Musa(peace be upon him) in the Qur’an where the former kills an innocent boy. He later on explains to Musa( peace be upon him) that the boy’s parents were of the believers and he feared lest he(the boy) should oppress them with rebellion and disbelief and it was intended that their Lord would change him for one better in righteousness and near to mercy. So, a child causing distress to his/her parents is universally intolerable and unacceptable.

In short, I deeply long and yearn to have a child, but at the same time, I want a child who will be a source of happiness and mercy for me in my life and who will pray for me after my death. I want him to excel and be successful in both worlds. I want my child to be kind, humble and helpful who will spread happiness and goodwill wherever he/she goes. I want my child to make me proud on the Day of Judgement.

Seeing the attitude and behaviour of some unruly kids today, I’m inwardly grateful that I do not have a child like that. I do not want a rude, neglectful, ill-mannered, disobedient brat who will rebel against his parents. I do not want to hear harsh words from my child’s tongue when I am the one who teaches him to speak. Thinking about my own flesh and blood turning against me sounds unendurable, to say the least.

I may be an infertile woman…but I don’t just want any child. I want to have a pious and righteous child, a beacon of hope and light who’ll brighten up the entire world.

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