Mental health is a thing, luckily a thing that is becoming much more widely accepted – about time!

12 years ago I turned his world upside down. I left him! Quite Simply I broke his heart. I was 21, I was looking for something new, fun and exciting, I was looking for something that I now realise doesn’t exist.

We talk about it at times, it was a really hard time for us both, I didn’t realise what I was looking for was right there in front of me.

I make no secret of the fact in the past I have had issues with eating, or lack of eating, that I have a colourful past with mental health. I come with baggage, just like everyeone else.

Almost seems standard practice to hear about the girl/woman with an eating disorder doesn’t it? Not often you hear of the guys! Steve is the most grounded, well rounded person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and yet when we separated, his only way to gain any form of control in his life was to stop eating. He had lost his world, he was absolutely losing control of every single thing he needed to keep him going. His weight plummeted, he was skin and bone. He effortlessly limited the amount of food he ate and skipped on meals because he quite simply didn’t feel worthy of it, he led himself down a destructive path because of rejection. He did hundreds of sit ups a day and didn’t see what everyone else saw – he looked horribly ill.

He doesn’t openly talk about it. Why would he? it’s not something you mention “by the way there was this one time when I decided to quit food and see how long it took before I died”. Like most men, he didn’t discuss what was going through his mind, he carried on trying his best to ‘act normal’ while inside his world was crumbling.

By the time we had got back together and as I slid my arms around his body, I held him tightly and I felt how horribly thin he had become, his ribs were visable, his hips protruded from his body, he had quite simply starved himself. It took a long time, a lot of work and a lot of talking to get through the hot mess I had created. I’d like to say 12 years on, saving us was the very best thing we ever did. It led to marriage, children, love, so so so much laughter and happiness. I’m incredibly proud of the man he has become.

I asked his permission to post this because it’s a brave thing to stand up and say you’ve struggled. Women are better at it, men often see it as failure, as weakness, so they silently carry the burden of their own thoughts and struggles.

Don’t ever look at a picture and assume perfection, because somewhere within the paintwork of their life will be cracks, there will be hardship and there will be heartache. Even the most grounded of people can fall from grace and it takes huge bravery to speak out about it. There is absolutely no shame in saying life hasn’t always been a bed of roses, it’s actually inspiring.