When did it change? I mean, when did I stop seeing what everyone else saw? When did I start to notice I wasn’t the pretty one? When did I notice I didn’t get the boys?? All I know is it was too Young, too young to slowly stop believing in my self worth, too young to believe I wasn’t good enough and too young to feel ugly.
I guess I was 9??? Maybe slightly older when I noticed I didn’t get the boys attention like others and then as I grew older and I heard boys and ashamedly girls call me ugly “was Laura on that list of top 10 ugly girls in school?”. By the time I left I truly believed the words, I absolutely felt completely disgusting. To never have had a lad look my way without a snigger did one hell of a number of my confidence. Those who believe “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” are deluded. Deluded for believing mental abuse isn’t as damaging as physical.
Now, I can’t say I did that badly through school, I got through relatively unscathed but the ugly comments they stuck like glue. That’s shit, isn’t it!?!? When I first started dating Steve I kept asking him if someone paid him? I asked if it was a cruel joke someone was playing to make me look the fool? I actually couldn’t believe someone like him could fancy someone like me. We met on cold night in January and didn’t see each other again for over a week, every time we spoke I would say to him “I really think you have got the wrong girl. I am worried when you meet me, you’ll be really disappointed with what I look like”. Luckily, I was exactly what he was expecting.
I realise now as an adult that those shallow, narrow minded comments made by the people I hung around with left scars, I don’t blame them or hate them because I do believe my life is my destiny and it’s my choice to either hold a grudge or move on and be fabulous. The reality is we have all been arseholes to a person or two in our years at school, because ignorantly I had no clue how my actions and words effected others, those throw away lines, immature remarks. I’d have my head up my arse if I didn’t believe I hadn’t hurt people at some point or another but never a bully.
Why is it acceptable for ‘teenagers’ to do these things? When as adults it’s absolutely not? Why does it need to be part of growing up to be picked on and ridiculed?
As the boys grow I want them to understand their words and actions have consequences, I want them to understand it’s only the weak who bully, it’s only the sad souls who ruins others to make themselves feel better. Don’t we all need to take a moment to appreciate that in raising our Children, we are given the perfect opportunity to show them how important self worth and team work is?!? Isn’t it our job to demonstrate how much of a positive impact we can have in other peoples lives!?! I’m sick to DEATH of hearing “yeah but they’re just being teenagers”. People, teenagers kill themselves, these words, taunts and ‘teenager things’ have lasting effects on kids that can stretch a life time. Parents bury their children because of online taunts, brothers and sisters are lost because “we were only having a laugh!”.
School is cruel, it is my biggest fear for our children, the evil, harsh way schools do less about bullying and focus more on results. That excuses are made because of their age, that we turn a blind eye because they can “sort it out themselves”, and we expect these children to survive something that in the eyes of the law as an adult could be classed as ABH, GBH, stalking or hassessment. Why is it acceptable?? “It toughens them up for the real world!” FUCK OFF does it! It creates a future of doubters, who lack confidence and self worth, who believe life is about being ridiculed and abused.
Let’s stop kids leaving school so damaged they barely make it out alive and raise our children to believe its okay to speak up and it’s okay to speak out. Don’t hide in the shadows and let the bullies see they’re not the stronger ones.
Bullying will never be okay, no excuses, no exceptions, no age restrictions.
