“Mummy, why do you cross your legs when you sneeze?”
“Sweetheart, you had a head circumference of 38.5cm. I just count my lucky stars I don’t shit myself when I sneeze.” 
When the midwife comes round after you’ve just literally birthed a human and asks if you have done your pelvic floor exercises yet? And, you’re like “Well Patricia, I’ll get right on with that once my hanging ham shrinks back and I stop googling adoption options for my next child.” 
Peezing happens, and it’s alright! Let’s not pretend we’re not wearing the tena lady when we jump care free on the bouncy castle at our childs birthday party. Let’s not make out we haven’t pissed ourselves at least 6 times since having children because we coughed too hard. 
I appreciate I could probably crack a walnut if I practiced my pelvic floors but quite frankly I don’t have the time and I couldn’t stop a pig in a passage. 
Just sayin!