I go to bed at night and think, I’ll worry about my chip pan Hair in the morning. Anyone else do this? Almost like your hair will be magically washed over night and you won’t have to worry about it?
When I just had Elliott I could go have a shower and he’d sit on the toilet talking to me about the struggle of loving dinosaurs and cars. Roll on being a Mum of two and I barely trust the boys (sorry I mean Toby) when I go to get a glass of water. There is nothing comforting about Toby being quiet, at all! This morning he managed to climb up onto the toy box and open the curtains while I was making pancakes  (Mummy points, I made pancakes). I walked into the room in my strapy top with my sags swaying in the morrning breeze, fat girl pants and saw his chuffed face ‘look Mummy, I opened them for you’. Doing my best impression of a chubby Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible I crawled on the floor until I got to the window and yanked them shut while Elliott said “hahahaha hahaha Mummy your pants are up your bottom. Look Toby, it’s Mummy’s bottom” … fuck off kids.
So today, I don’t get a shower because Steve works a Saturday. I will instead do what any decent Mum does and cover my hair in Talc. 

If I’m lucky I’ll actually get to wash my armpits and not cover the ming sweat smell with my Dove roll on. Please guys, for once let’s not make out we’ve not all done this at some point???? Sometimes because we genuinely haven’t got a choice, and others because we absolutely can’t be arsed to slap that flannel around our body like some kind of slippery eel.
Today I’m a self confessed skank just getting through Saturday without my wingman.