Munkee!!!


I almost fell asleep on the Tube today. I didn't though - the woman next to me nudged me awake... it seems that I was almost leaning on her. I might get an early night tonight.

Valentines Day was very nice. I bought N a big bunch of roses and a strange (but cute) cushion and a card... pretty standard stuff. I forgot the potato. I now have an ENORMOUS card and a big monkey, and she blew up balloons and decorated her room and bought some nice wine and although she says she didn't, she put in a lot of effort. It was incredibly nice. Unfortunately, the ban is still in effect due to "woman troubles". Also I've booked a hotel room this weekend and we'll get some proper alone time then. Which will be nice.

She also showed me a letter she wrote me, which was incredibly sweet. I started reading it and laughing, but steadily got more and more silent because it was so incredibly moving. That girl really does love me. And the thing is.... I love her too. And that's cool, but also kind of scary.

It's almost enough to make me feel bad about the times I've kissed other girls while I've been with her... but, as I was saying to someone the other day, "Kissing isn't cheating!". Oh alright I know it is really. And I do feel bad. But I won't do it any more, promise.

It is strange that when my life is going well, when I am thinking in far more positive terms, I seem the need to find ways to be self-destructive. Most people think I'm a nice guy, and on the whole I try to be. But I can be a real cunt sometimes.

On Saturday I met someone who I'd met once before, one of HH's friends. It was really nice, we got on really well... you know when you meet someone you just "click" with? But you know you're not trying to get into each other's pants, and it's just friendly, and... nice. Of course, at first the only thing we had in common was my ex-girlfriend, but the conversation wasn't as strained as I would have thought. Which, I suppose, shows how much I've moved on from this time last year. Eeesh... thinking about how I felt back then makes me cringe a bit. Although I was glad to hear HH's friend say that she couldn't see what HH saw in POS when she cheated on me... because that is exactly how I felt at the time.

It is incredibly hypocritical of me to have been so upset when she cheated on me but find it acceptable to cheat on N. Except... kissing isn't cheating!! And she did more than kiss!! I know these are just excuses. I guess I just don't want to admit it really because it makes me a cunt and I'll feel bad for being a cunt. Ho hum.

Work continues to suck, but I should be up for a payrise soon enough. Which made me realise that I haven't got long to sort out my travels - I need to sort out so many things!! Minor panic... I need to sort out my passport/reservations/tickets, but most importantly I need to find a garden gnome I can steal.

I still think about my friend. Some days are harder than others.