Kate has been looking for work pretty much since the Kops' arrived in South Africa in December. There doesn't seem to be any teaching jobs as the kids are so well behaved over here;- why would anyone want to leave?  Rob starts getting stroppy about the cashflow situation. Although he is earning, he's not earning sterling anymore and life is expensive over here - there's school fees and medical aid for a start. Eventually Lynn, Kate's gym instructor buddy saves the day. She moonlights as a medical aid rep and meets a general surgeon in Durban who needs a secretary. Kate calls him immediately and gets an interview!

The Doctor is called John and is tall, grey and distinguished looking with a very deep mumbling voice.He says 'Yeeees, Hmmmmm, weeeeell,' a lot.  The Doctor's wife is also present at the interview. She's called Sue and is a glacial blond with a sweeping chignon who looks like Kate imagines Grace Kelly would look were she still treading this mortal coil. Sue is also the practice nurse and runs the business with the Doctor. Sue speaks very nicely. Kate doesn't really know what posh South Africans sound like, but she guesses something like these two.

Kate is asked lots of questions. They dont seem to mind that she is actually a PE teacher with no secretarial experience at all. Kate just wants a bloody work permit and Rob off her back.
Sue asks Kate if she speaks Afrikaans. Kate says no, but she can speak French well. 'Hmmmm', says Sue, raising a well manicured eyebrow, 'That's not much use here, how will you communicate with our Afrikaans speaking patients?'
 'I'll get you on the phone then.'  says Kate, at a loss for an answer. Aside from telepathy, what else is she supposed to do in that situation? Kate has had a look at Charlie's Afrikaans text book and there's no way she's ever going down that route. She's only just got the hang of rolling her French R's.

Sue doesnt seem very impressed with Kate; there's a lot of eyebrow raising and 'I see' -ing going on. The Doctor sits back and rumbles something every now and again but Kate cant really understand what he's said.
Jesus! Thinks Kate, what do they want? she's got a bloody degree, she's not some kind of sociopath, she's nice to old ladies, children and small woodland animals! The Doctor and his wife obviously want some kind of nuclear physicist keeping their accounts! They thank Kate for coming and she shuffles disconsolately home.

'She probably thought you wanted to shag her old man!' Rob is trying to console his depressed wife. Kate was quite excited about this job, she liked the administrative part of being a Head of PE , probably more than the teaching. She thinks about the medical side of things and realises she knows nothing, apart from the human anatomy and physiology she studied at college...and what Emma has told her.

Emma is Kate's little sister and has been a nurse in San Diego for the past ten or so years. Every time they chat on the phone, Em tells Kate about some revolting nursey experience she's had at work recently. There was the Mexican who tried to wee in a bottle whilst driving along and ripped the skin off his willy, (it subsequently went green and fell off), the lady with the necrotic wound that Emma applied 'Medical Maggots' to, (She left the maggots on too long and they all turned into flies and flew away when she took the dressing off) and Kate's favourite, the man with the huge boil on his arse that exploded all over Em when she was looking at it. Emma is always having to give people enemas too, (although she does her best to convince her patients to give themselves the enemas, they're usually having none of it) and has told Kate that when they get really constipated, she has to stick her fingers up their bums to hook it out. Kate doesn't know if she'd have to be involved in anything like that, but doesn't think she can stomach too much in the way of body parts or fluids on a regular basis, it was bad enough having to change the boys' nappies, especially Charlie, who seemed to have bowels with the same cubic capacity as the Mariana Trench.

Kate's Granny Lawrence has also played a small part in educating her about things medical. Kate can remember her moaning about her 'piles'. 'What are piles Granny?' Kate had asked. 'Oooh they're like huuuge grapes hanging outcha bumhole Kate!' her Granny had replied. According to Granny, you got them by sitting on frozen concrete or hot radiators, but Kate had never seen her Granny doing either so she didnt know how she'd acquired such an exotic medical condition. When she got older, Kate refused to believe that these horrible sounding things hung out of your bumhole. That is, until the fateful day she gave birth to her eldest son. Charlie was a large baby, weighing in at over 9lbs, but it was his huge head that caused the problems. Being a very narrow hipped female, it took Kate four and a half hours of pushing to finally get Charlie's 22cm head out into the world. Afterwards, Charlie's dad had looked at Kate's nether regions and exclaimed  'There's another one coming!!' 'No schweedie', drawled the Floridian Nurse, 'Thats just the haemorrhoids!'

About a week later, Sue calls Kate and tells her they'd like to offer her the job. Kate heaves a sigh of relief, no more whinging martyr-like husband prattling on about how he's single handedly supporting them all. Kate thinks he's got a bit of a nerve; if he'd married a South African woman, thats exactly what he'd be doing!

Kate likes working for the Doctor. He's a decent enough chap, even if getting conversation out of him is like pulling teeth. Sue is a different kettle of fish. She's quite a chilly character and very particular about how she wants things done. Kate's okay with that though, she's fairly OCD herself and can certainly hold her own when it comes to doing things properly. Eventually, Kate starts to get on quite well with her stern boss.

Kate tells Sue a patient wants to come and have a dodgy lump cut off his back. Sue explains it's called a lesion. The man comes in and Sue tells Kate he is a heart transplant patient and they are particularly susceptible to skin cancers, so the lump will have to be biopsied. The Doctor chops the lump off the man and puts it in a little see through pot with what Kate assumes is some kind of pickling juice. He puts it on his desk.
Sue asks Kate to come and get the specimen to take to the lab. Kate looks at it. It is a small white octopus-like thing with tentacles. Kate swallows and feels her gorge rise. Sue starts telling Kate about how she used to assist with heart transplants. Kate looks at the lesion, she thinks she can see its tentacles moving. Sue says that a heart transplant is such a beautiful thing! When the donor heart is put in the recipient, they have to be warmed up and after about half an hour of tense waiting, the surgeons will hear the heart monitor start to bleep! Kate looks at Sue, who's chin is starting to tremble, Oh God is she crying? thinks Kate? The lesion now appears to be waving at Kate with its appendages. It also appears to have eyes.
Sue now has tears of emotion coursing down her cheeks. The lesion seems to be winking at Kate. She grabs the specimen pot, mumbles something consolatory to her distraught boss and scuttles from the room.