Mama's Gone
Mama passed away last week. It was hard to write anything for a while. I went in to check on her several times during her last night. She never woke up. She laid in one position all night making hard little gasps for air. I checked her at 3am and she was still breathing, and again at 5am, but then she had stopped. I knew she was dead even though she felt warm to touch. I must have entered only minutes after she passed away. I looked for my Father, but he had gone out for breakfast. When he goes out in the mornings, sometimes he's gone until 10 or 11am.
I called Hospice care for a death confirmation and explained that I didn't want mother moved until my father had a last chance to see her and be with her. The hospice care Worker arrived at 7am and pronounced mama dead. At 8am, my husband and I went to find my father. Surprisingly, my mother's body was still warm to the touch. I went in and stroked her forehead several times during these hours, and washed her face where she had drooled some medicine on her cheek.
We looked for my father at the two locations he frequents, but he was not at either. Then we went home and discovered he had just arrived there ahead of us. I told father that we wanted to find him and let him know mama passed away during the morning. He did not want to believe us. Father said, she's not dead sis, I just checked on her and she still feels warm. I had to explain to him that people can feel warm for quite a while when they die at home instead in the cold environment of the hospital. The second Hospice Worker arrived shortly after that.
We made the calls to the Funeral home for pick up and the doctor for the death certificate. The funeral home workers arrived for pick up at 10am. In the meantime, the hospice worker and I bathed mama, removed the diaper she had on and cleaned her up, put a fresh protection sheet over the bedding, and laid her body out nice on it. The hospice worker said she could handle this all alone, if I preferred, but I told her it was my mother and I wanted to help. These actions were actually comforting to some degree. The pick up of mama's remains was rather quick. The funeral worker gave me his card and said we would need to come to the funeral home the next day and sign papers for the arrangements.
I thought emotions would be harder, but there was a sense of relief throughout the house, which made me feel guilty. I tried to stay busy. I had to make calls to family, gather pre-need paperwork, clean the room mama stayed in, and start packaging things that were no longer needed. We called the Home Care providers to pick up the hospital bed, oxygen machine and tanks, and wheelchair. They said they would be by that day. They didn't arrive until 9pm that night which was ridiculous. We locked up and went to bed at 8pm because the day was so emotional and depressing. I had to get up, let the man in to collect the items, and sign papers. It took quite a while because the worker was alone and had to disassemble the bed and move everything by himself. We finally went back to bed at 11pm. Tomorrow I have to go to the funeral home and deal with the arrangements.
This post first appeared on Mama Died, Dad's Dementia + A Grandchild, please read the originial post: here
