Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. That is the definition of jealousy. I want to discuss this as I want to understand it. Now the definition here states that a person is threatened by a rival, now a rival can be anyone right? A person who gets better marks than you no matter how hard you study, a person who has better shoes/clothes than you, a person who is more popular than you, a person who got the person you loved etc. The list can go on. What triggers jealousy?
Personally, the moments I have been jealous and resented the ‘rival’ have been when my grandmother chose her over me for things (ok childish on my part, maybe still is). I still resent her presence. Though I can be nice, jovial, take her out for coffee and give her good advice I cannot let go the fact that maybe my grandmother likes her better than me. I dig deeper in me I can see that it stems from the insecurity that I will lose my grandmother to my ‘rival’. So I can safely say I am an insecure person with regards to my grandmother.
A friend of mine said jealousy stems from insecurity and possessiveness. I agree with her but isn’t being possessive a subset of insecurity. You are possessive about a thing or a person only when you fear you will lose it, so it’s a part of being insecure. What do you do about this insecurity? How do you cure yourself of jealousy if all people are insecure? How do you feel secure where you currently stand in life?
I have seen that people make excuses for certain people, saying that they behaved badly not because they are brought up badly and don’t know how to respect people, but because they are insecure. So am I being told to overlook a person’s misbehavior because they are insecure? Insecurity at its worst is when a person starts controlling the life of another person, all because they just can’t trust that the person won’t cheat on them. Where do these insecurities come from? I have seen decent people acting like crazy people when it comes to their gf/bf’s hanging out with other people, they will call them a million times, fight with them when they come back etc.
In my case, I think what will make my insecurity go away is if my grandma just once sat me down and said she loves me and hates my ‘rival’. For people in relationships, if you have an insecure gf/bf who eat into your space, you have to make an extra effort to make them feel secure that you are not going anywhere. You have to say you love them, hug them and spend a lot more time with them. It is hard work agreed but if you truly love the person I am guessing it should not be so hard.
I think for a person to be secure where they stand, all they need to know that people who they care for, give them importance to do the same for them. Insecurities regarding work and studies are there at all times and I think it’s good because this develops competitiveness in you. And if you are not competitive you will not achieve you goal.
Focus more on your desire than on your doubt, and the dream will take care of itself. You may be surprised at how easily this happens. Your doubts are not as powerful as your desires, unless you make them so.
Personally, the moments I have been jealous and resented the ‘rival’ have been when my grandmother chose her over me for things (ok childish on my part, maybe still is). I still resent her presence. Though I can be nice, jovial, take her out for coffee and give her good advice I cannot let go the fact that maybe my grandmother likes her better than me. I dig deeper in me I can see that it stems from the insecurity that I will lose my grandmother to my ‘rival’. So I can safely say I am an insecure person with regards to my grandmother.
A friend of mine said jealousy stems from insecurity and possessiveness. I agree with her but isn’t being possessive a subset of insecurity. You are possessive about a thing or a person only when you fear you will lose it, so it’s a part of being insecure. What do you do about this insecurity? How do you cure yourself of jealousy if all people are insecure? How do you feel secure where you currently stand in life?
I have seen that people make excuses for certain people, saying that they behaved badly not because they are brought up badly and don’t know how to respect people, but because they are insecure. So am I being told to overlook a person’s misbehavior because they are insecure? Insecurity at its worst is when a person starts controlling the life of another person, all because they just can’t trust that the person won’t cheat on them. Where do these insecurities come from? I have seen decent people acting like crazy people when it comes to their gf/bf’s hanging out with other people, they will call them a million times, fight with them when they come back etc.
In my case, I think what will make my insecurity go away is if my grandma just once sat me down and said she loves me and hates my ‘rival’. For people in relationships, if you have an insecure gf/bf who eat into your space, you have to make an extra effort to make them feel secure that you are not going anywhere. You have to say you love them, hug them and spend a lot more time with them. It is hard work agreed but if you truly love the person I am guessing it should not be so hard.
I think for a person to be secure where they stand, all they need to know that people who they care for, give them importance to do the same for them. Insecurities regarding work and studies are there at all times and I think it’s good because this develops competitiveness in you. And if you are not competitive you will not achieve you goal.
Focus more on your desire than on your doubt, and the dream will take care of itself. You may be surprised at how easily this happens. Your doubts are not as powerful as your desires, unless you make them so.
