It happens to us all at some time or another. We are minding our own business and doing our own thing. Then someone comes into the picture and before we know it, our business has become their business and our lives are intertwined. Personally, I've had times where I just had to pause for a moment and wonder how this all happened so fast. We were supposed to be taking it slow and having fun! How did we begin planning our lives together?
A nice guy I was dating kept stressing that he wanted to take it slow. Yet he proceeded to push our relationship to its limits. Even though he insisted that he wasn't ready for a relationship, he made sure that our relationship was more than just "casual". His mixed signals made our friendship more complicated than it needed to be. I totally respect not wanting to push yourself into a commitment that you are not ready for. But at the same time, how could it be possible to spend so much time with one person and be so intimate while stressing that you don't want commitment? I truly didn't understand that level of denial. And who has the time to try to figure it out? It is totally selfish, and even manipulative to expect someone to be totally monopolized by your wants and needs. I was truly torn because something in me wanted to totally ignore what he said & work with his potential.
Working with a person's potential can get you into a lot of trouble. We look at our respective mates and summarize what makes them "worth it" for us. Their resume could include all kinds of security factors that we need to exist from day to day but also could include qualities that we have idealized our perfect partner possessing. So even though he may be saying that he doesn't want a commitment, we are reading that resume and even more closely reading his actions. Oftentimes, they may say they aren't ready, yet insinuate affections and insist on having a very time consuming, intimate, and affectionate relationship with you. Not realizing that those intimacies are often reserved for the object of a woman's true affections . Many times, when women think of flings or trysts we think of brief, unfeeling, encounters whose satisfactions are short of a sex toy's. We do not associate complexity of emotion or in depth relationships. Our flings are of convenience. So as soon as some sort of routine forms and emotions are shared or anything contrary to a "fling" occurs, even if it's just the first stage, women see themselves in a relationship.
In the long run, if his mouth says no, just roll with that. Pay no mind to the green light type signals he is giving if he is adamant that he can not commit. And if he cheats later, he could tell you that he told you in the beginning that he wasn't ready. Forget potential! If he's wants to be with you, let it be on his own accord. And should you ever find that your relationship of convenience is no longer convenient, then you are better off stopping it before it goes any further. This is especially paramount if you know that you are looking for a relationship. There should absolutely be a distinction between the benefits of being a companion vs benefits of being our friend. And I don't know about you but I just don't want anyone who gives off mixed signals or is unsure about how he feels about me. If he says no to a relationship, that's just how you should take it! And if he doesn't truly mean no, he should learn that the consequences of not saying what he means could be losing you. Then it will be up to him to either put up or shut up.
A nice guy I was dating kept stressing that he wanted to take it slow. Yet he proceeded to push our relationship to its limits. Even though he insisted that he wasn't ready for a relationship, he made sure that our relationship was more than just "casual". His mixed signals made our friendship more complicated than it needed to be. I totally respect not wanting to push yourself into a commitment that you are not ready for. But at the same time, how could it be possible to spend so much time with one person and be so intimate while stressing that you don't want commitment? I truly didn't understand that level of denial. And who has the time to try to figure it out? It is totally selfish, and even manipulative to expect someone to be totally monopolized by your wants and needs. I was truly torn because something in me wanted to totally ignore what he said & work with his potential.
Working with a person's potential can get you into a lot of trouble. We look at our respective mates and summarize what makes them "worth it" for us. Their resume could include all kinds of security factors that we need to exist from day to day but also could include qualities that we have idealized our perfect partner possessing. So even though he may be saying that he doesn't want a commitment, we are reading that resume and even more closely reading his actions. Oftentimes, they may say they aren't ready, yet insinuate affections and insist on having a very time consuming, intimate, and affectionate relationship with you. Not realizing that those intimacies are often reserved for the object of a woman's true affections . Many times, when women think of flings or trysts we think of brief, unfeeling, encounters whose satisfactions are short of a sex toy's. We do not associate complexity of emotion or in depth relationships. Our flings are of convenience. So as soon as some sort of routine forms and emotions are shared or anything contrary to a "fling" occurs, even if it's just the first stage, women see themselves in a relationship.
In the long run, if his mouth says no, just roll with that. Pay no mind to the green light type signals he is giving if he is adamant that he can not commit. And if he cheats later, he could tell you that he told you in the beginning that he wasn't ready. Forget potential! If he's wants to be with you, let it be on his own accord. And should you ever find that your relationship of convenience is no longer convenient, then you are better off stopping it before it goes any further. This is especially paramount if you know that you are looking for a relationship. There should absolutely be a distinction between the benefits of being a companion vs benefits of being our friend. And I don't know about you but I just don't want anyone who gives off mixed signals or is unsure about how he feels about me. If he says no to a relationship, that's just how you should take it! And if he doesn't truly mean no, he should learn that the consequences of not saying what he means could be losing you. Then it will be up to him to either put up or shut up.
