I was sitting last week, on my terrace with some friends ( I feel like lately, it always starts there). Like most of the time, writing was on my mind. The usual “I haven’t written in a while”, “what should I write about” and all the typical bla bla came up. My friend looked at me and said- hold on, did you write about the Naked cleaner yet?

Bright light and angelic music appeared…in my head of course. But you get the point. I finally felt that little tickling feeling in my fingers again. That happens whenever a Story starts brewing and I couldn’t wait for the moment, I’ll get to put this story on paper (or in this case, upload it to my blog).

Now, every word you are going to read is based on a true story. No details were changed or added out of nowhere.

It was the 19^th of March 2015. For those of you who have been following my posts- you are right, it was 3 days after my birthday. That year, I decided to organize the big party on a weekend, with a big pregame and a night out in a club. I lived with my sister roommate by then, whom I mentioned in one of my previous posts. It was a Thursday, and we woke up to a very messy and disgusting apartment (very untypical for girls, I know). The thing is, that we spent the whole week celebrating my birthday and no party comes without consequences. There I was standing on Thursday morning, not being able to tell if the floor who was initially white has decided to understand if the Dalmatian Dog look could be suitable or if those were disgusting black dirt stains. The mountain of dishes, gave me anxiety and the mess that was going on made me almost start to cry.

After a short freak out, my roommate and I decided that we will obviously choose the adult way to deal with the situation- and hire a cleaner. Now how do you find a reliable cleaner, who can also come clean from one minute to another? Easy.

I entered a huge Facebook group which is dedicated to answer those kinds of questions for people who live in the city I live in (no, no, the time to expose which city it is did not come yet), and asked if anyone knew of a reliable cleaner. One notification after another came up on my Facebook and people were offering their reliable services for only 13$ an hour. Only 13$??? I was speechless. But hey, desperate times, call for desperate measures. And I was desperate, I had only a few hours till my 4^th birthday party that week (For those of you who haven’t noticed yet- I am a birthday princess) and the apartment was a mess! I was about to private message one of those really expensive cleaning ladies but before I even got the chance to do so I received the following message from a person, I don’t know on Facebook.

My reaction- “Hahaha”. Like any other person, I was sure, that this was a joke. And the best about it was he was taking 8 USD instead of 13! But then again, people like telling me how naive I am. One of my classmates hobbies in middle- and high school, was seeing how many stories they could tell me and how many I would believe. But back to the original story.

I messaged him and we decided that he would come at 16:00. Throughout the entire day, I received messages from him, telling me how exciting this will be, how naked cleaning is something so refreshing and how people don’t know how to appreciate nudity. There was an entire build up, for that moment he would arrive to clean.

At this point it was just too late to cancel. A, there was no way I would clean myself. B, I smelled an amazing opportunity for a story. C, I kind of hoped somewhere, that his confidence about nudity must be so high, because he is an attractive Channing Tatum look alike. Who wouldn’t want a naked Channing Tatum look alike cleaning their apartment?

But then again, around 15:30, I started asking myself whether I did a mistake. So just to be on the safe side, and just to quiet down that little voice in my head warning me about the possibility that I could potentially become a headline in the newspaper, I called my neighbor and my roommate, told them about the Naked Cleaner (my roommate reacted to it as if it would be the most normal thing, my neighbor said, that we just confirmed that we might be the two weirdest people on planet earth) and ordered them to not leave me alone at home. 15:50 arrived and me and my neighbor stood outside on the balcony, trying to spot who he could be, and pointing out guys we hoped he would be. 16:00 sharp. A knock on the door. I turned completely red, and ordered my roommate to open. Now I feel like I should say something about her- she is the most going with the flow, nothing is weird kind of person.

Anyway, so she opened the door. A 45-year-old chubby little man stood there, in elegant shoes, black elegant pants and a purple button up shirt. His face was almost too friendly, as if him and the person who has been texting me about nudity the entire day were two different people.

“Hello, it’s very nice to meet the two of you” he said.

My roommate immediately invited him to come in and said “thank you for coming. Would you like some water or coffee? and of course, just take your clothes off whenever you are ready”. I immediately turned redder than before and started to giggle. Or better, couldn’t stop to giggle. They both looked at me which made me giggle harder and he then said “ I have a feeling she is a little uncomfortable, I will wait with undressing a little bit”. Oh, do you have the feeling I am a little uncomfortable? Naaah, why would I be?

We gave him the cleaning supplies, told him he could start whenever he is ready and went to our rooms. After 5 minutes, of trying to figure out what the hell is going on, I went to her room and said to her “listen, I feel bad, go out and tell him that he can get naked if he wants.”. And that’s what she did. Have I mentioned how much I love going through these weird stories with her?

I ran back to my room and locked myself in. Half an hour passed by and there it was. I had to pee.

Oh no! Shit! What do I do? I was sure, that if I was going leave my room, I would see a naked man , crawling on all 4, scrubbing my floor and a view of- I’d rather stop here. After an hour, I finally dared to leave my room. He was standing there, still in his elegant clothes (which was not less weird- it’s as if I would make dishes in one of my gowns) cleaning the floor and almost about to finish. I sat with him for a little and tried talking to him. He didn’t mention anything about the naked cleaning. In fact, he was SO normal! I even offered him a slice of Pizza, and he gladly accepted. When he finished, I paid him the money and shook his hand. Before closing the door, he looked back and said “This is the last time, I am cleaning with clothes. Today was an exception. Next time, I will be cleaning naked” leaving me speechless. You would think that this is where the story ends right? Well it didn’t. Only a few hours later, I received a message from him, telling me what a great time he had with us but how my neighbor’s presence bothered him. A day later, I received the following message from his friend:

He enjoyed the nudity, and said I was great. I…what?!

I don’t consider myself very conservative, but at this point I was extremely confused. And did what everyone would do- ignore it. About a month passed by, and I almost forgot about this story, until I all of a sudden received a message from him. He said, that he is currently giving free massages, and that he missed our apartment and would love to come clean again. Naked. For free. (I didn’t randomly chose the dots in the end of each word, that’s how he decided to write it). At this point, I figured, that every great story needs to come to an end, and with all due respect to escaping the comfort zone for a little to find inspiration, it’s about time to go back there and finish the entire thing.

So, naked cleaner, I would like to hereby express my full gratitude for making sure I have a very clean apartment for my party, for reminding me that there are so many unique and interesting (or crazy people) out there and of course- for contributing to an unforgettable story.

Yours,

A not too little girl