For me, dreaming is simply being pragmatic. —Shimon Peres
There are probably a lot of things I do to drive my family crazy. Two behaviors high on the list, though, are surely my habit of rushing people to stay on my agenda and my constant attraction to whatever seems new and exciting—whether that’s pursuing a new Idea or purchasing a new house. I guess I could best be described as an impatient possibilist.
For me, an optimist is someone who believes that anything can Happen no matter what. A pessimist, on the other hand, is someone who believes that nothing will work no matter what.
A possibilist is someone who believes anything can happen given the right conditions.
I am not an optimist or a pessimist, but I clearly believe that change can happen if we work hard and stay open to new possibilities.
I’ve had this belief for a long time. In 1982, I co-founded Possibilities, Inc., a consulting firm dedicated to helping organizations create healthy, innovative, and productive work environments.
So, I’ve spent a large portion of my life thinking about the conditions required to realize new possibilities.
That all sounds good until you have to live with me.
You see, in my world, there is very little space between idea and action. If I have an idea, even a stupid idea, I rush to implementation. Sometimes, good things happen. Many other times, I leave a wake of annoyed people in my path.
Here’s an example of how it plays out. Someone says, “We should go for a walk.” My response is to immediately put on my walking shoes and then stand by the door waiting for everyone to get ready.
They were thinking, “in 15 minutes or so when we get around to it.” I was thinking, “Now! Let’s go!”
You can see how I could drive my family mad.
The plus sides of being an impatient possibilist are that I’m never late, I do what I say, and I get a lot of stuff done. I’m also able to stay in shape, read a ton of books, and still be ready for the next adventure. The negative sides are that I make a lot of mistakes and cause undue stress on those around me.
Why am I sharing this? Primarily because I want to apologize for driving people crazy, and because I have learned there is a healthy Balance between pragmatism and possibility.
Pragmatism is defined as dealing with things sensibly and realistically in a way that is based on practical rather than theoretical considerations. Being pragmatic means to act in matter-of-fact, hardheaded, no-nonsense ways.
As such, pragmatism acts as a healthy counter-balance to wild-eyed, not-yet-tested ideas.
Thankfully, for example, my wife serves as a good pair of brakes when I start accelerating into a blind curve.
On the Enneagram instrument (which I discussed in a recent post “We”), I am a strong 7, which means I am inclined to be spontaneous, playful, and high-spirited. As a result of those tendencies, I can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. Sevens typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. We sevens like to maintain our freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile opportunities and experiences, and to keep ourselves excited and occupied.
Sevens are enthusiastic about everything that catches their attention.
We look at the world with rapt anticipation like kids in a candy store. My family heartily confirms the accuracy of the Enneagram in diagnosing my “type.”
You can see how possibilists (type 7s) like me need people of all other types in our lives. I need hyper-vigilant planners to point out the pragmatic flaws in my thinking. I need hyper-rational observers to keep me grounded in practical realities.
My hunch is that we all need other people in our lives to soften our hard-wiring.
Being a possibilist or a pragmatist (or any of the personality types) without other people in your life to keep the unhealthy aspects of your type in check can be dangerous. This is true of individuals, married couples, and leaders. Just as the government was formed with a healthy set of checks and balances, each of us needs checks and balances in our lives to produce the best outcomes.
We have seen how the government can run amok when the system of checks and balances is broken or not functioning. The potential for dysfunction is just as possible for each of us as we try to figure out the best ways to live our lives.
So thank you, dear family, for not only forgiving my irritating behaviors but also for providing valued complements to my style.
At times, our fantasies about life and marriage are tempered by realities. I still hope, however, we can hold onto our romanticized images and possibilistic perspectives while remaining open to the hard feedback that we may sometimes be wrong.
