I have unofficially closed this blog at the end of August, after my Latest Visit to Paris, because my thesis is over and my sentimental confidence has taken another little blow this summer. I defended my thesis the other week in front of a committee of five. One of them was a guy from the Utrecht Rijksuniversitat, an Italian. Then, there were my other professors from my Univeristy. It was easy. I went through it without much effort. We had a short party at Little Joe's after the discussion, with the Italian guy and a couple of professors who did not have to catch the plane, or wanted to escape their family life. Ernest Robison, a black guy, was waiting on us. He was in my school before dropping off two years ago. He's American, and wanted to have his own European experience before starting a normal life. But he never managed to start a normal suburban life in Chicago, as his parents urged him to do. Now, he seems to have settled down in my town and is dating a blond 21 year old. He's handsome. In the days that followed my defense, I have tried to plan my life. My ex date in Paris asked me to reach him there this summer. He would like me to move there after my studies, but do I want to leave my family and go to France? It would seem unlikely. I figured that in this phase of my life, I would just like to find somebody here, and get married to him and have children. And I would prefer my children to be raised here in Germany, to teach them my language and my culture. So, in the end, I decided that I will not move to Paris with him. Screw him after all. I have only dated him for six months, and seen him two or three times a month. He's like "why don't you just give it a try", but no, I don't want to go there and "try" like a teenager. I am an adult, and I demand to be treated as such. If he wants me there, he must give me the ring, that's all. But I don't think he is marriage material. He is certainly not particularly good in bed, which made me hope for the best, but he's too childish for his age (he's 34) and too attached to his mother to make a good father for our children. Plus, like all men, he's kind of selfish and wants to stay in his own city, does not want to leave and reach me here. He probably thinks that he's the guy, and the girl should follow him. But now he's the one who's crying, because as a girl, I can get laid when I want, whereas he must masturbate in front of a website like an idiot. It's not an easy time for men. They deserve it anyway. So, in this affair I have really nothing to lose. The only thing I wanted is a little more consideration from him. Instead of asking me to go, ("either my way or...") he should have begged me to change my life habits for him. Why should I? My habits are as important as his. He should have sought a compromise, such as a job here in Germany, to stay with me. Salaries are higher in Germany, even in Univeristies. But he wants to be home, so let him be. Let him be with his mother! I am wondering why am I spending so much time dissecting this situation, while I know very well what the result will be.
So let me get back to my official life. I am now looking for a job. Perhaps I will put my CV online, perhaps not. Who needs a linguist, a cunning one after all? Not every company in the world. Ceci dit, I will go to Paris next week to figure what to do with the guy and meet again one or two colleagues, like Bruno. I though I would close this blog on my latest visit, but as you can see, I could not refrain myself from writing. We will see how this will impact my life this season.