11.21pm
Happens when you drink a little too much, you start to picture perfect Death scenes in your head. And then whispers softly, death is inevitable..
I like the idea of funeral, a solitary confinement, letting sadness once take over your still eyes. I saw many Crying over the death of someone, and I want to be able to do that. Not like crying because someone is dead but I need a place to cry comfortably knowing nobody is able to judge you for the way it it.
I want to cry, at times of pissed and anger because that's how one let its frustration go ain't it? Here I am, sitting in a fully shut air-con room crying over exams on monday, which one could guess by now is a disaster. I have no idea what the papers were saying in front of me and the lights shinning into the worksheets are pure toture. Therefore, I want to cry and cut myself in midst of that particular strange Anxiety feeling.
Again I want to cry because that anxiety of mine kept reminding me that mom did not check on me today, thus she doesn't love me anymore. At my most difficult times which is now, the silent room and last minute revision treatment, sparks great agony with fume, all I needed was a mom to open that door, take a look at what I'm doing and say, "all the best for your exams". She did not come through that door and I've been waiting for awhile now.
Anxiety further aggregated when brother can't do a simple task I asked him since this morning. I had to invite myself to his room to print out his ID for a purpose all over again, because he didn't do the job he promised. Thus, I want to cry.
The stupidest thing I did today was to use a screwdriver on one of the sockets. I did it because I tried plugging the head of the printer into the socket but it failed. A short non deadly circuit electrocuted me, I think, the left side of my breast hurts like pins and needles for the past 20 minutes. For a sec I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die. I was glad and happy to think that way but it didn't happened.
And that my friends, I want to cry.
