i was hoping to find someone online. i don't really know why because i don't really have anything in particular that i want to say to anyone. but there isn't anyone anyway. so it doesn't matter how i feel. my pdoc has increased my sertraline and given me methylphenidate. i don't really know what that is but he says it should work faster than the rest. supposed to help me focus and maybe make me happy. hasn't given me the kind of euphoria i was hoping for. funny i used the word hoping. i don't know why i bother hoping, but i guess, one cannot possibly live without having some kind of hope in their life. one's got to have somewhere to run to, someone to turn to or something to seek comfort in. anyway, the new med gave me alittle headache and makes my heart beat faster initially, although i must have gotten over it by now since i hardly felt it over the last two days. i don't have much to say here, i don't why i clicked on the blogger dashboard. perhaps i just needed to do something while i'm lying here awake. i've been hoarding on my ami for some time now, taking sleeping tabs or whatever other stuff i can find to help me sleep instead. i kinda feel safe knowing that i have the lot of ami there if i need them, even though i'm alittle scared to take them all. its weird, i don't know if it makes sense to any of you. i don't know what strange dreams i'm going to have tonight. at least i'm not having nightmares like i used to. now i just wake up wondering why i meet all these strangers in my dreams and why they play such major roles in my dreams. i am also amazed by how my mind can unconsciously, while i'm asleep, make up such unusual stories that don't make much sense most of the time.

oh look, i found some things to say, albeit mostly scattered and incoherent.