God’s Glass

The table sits against the wall dressed with fancy plates, glasses, and candles only to be left unused.  I have not used it once in the 5 months that I have lived here, so I think tonight is as good as any night to use a table for the first time.  I wipe the layer of dust off the perfectly hand-painted china, rinse out the fragile wine glass, and light the candles.  I put on a soothing song just to complete the mood.  And then, I sit at the table alone.

I sit there alone with my thoughts and breathe in the sweet aroma of the candles.  It has been a horrible day and I cannot help but feel an overwhelming loneliness.  I look out the door to the balcony at the lighted balcony across the way.  It looks so festive and cheery from over here that I can almost feel its warmth.  I sigh as I raise my wine glass and make a toast to myself for a semester well done.  I don’t really mean to go on, after all there is nobody on the other side of the table; nobody to hear my words fall from my lips, but maybe that is exactly what compels me to continue.

I ramble on, “May next semester go just as well and may I encounter success and happiness in my future.  May my family get through the difficulties they are currently encountering.  May we remain a cohesive and functioning unit in this tough time, but may we be given the strength and the courage to accept the reality and  to take the steps necessary to turn around the current situation.”  I tear up thinking about how hard it is to accept that your loved ones have deficits and that they are in pain.  And tears spill over as I realize there is only so much I can do on my own to fix it.

Helping others is in my blood.  It is my purpose in life.  I want to make everything okay again.  I want to make it the way it should be.  But I recognize that I do not have the ability to do it on my own and in the moment that I let the words leave my lips, I feel God’s presence as He helps me carry the weight resting on my shoulders and as He makes me feel light once again.  And that is when I realize, I am not having dinner alone.  I am having dinner with God.  I finish my toast and gently touch my half filled glass to God’s glass.