I have well and truly had it with sitting around, getting fatter (I've gained twelves Fucking pounds since my knee got really bad just before surgery), with frozen squash on my knee, while making circles with my toes. This fucking sucks. I can't get up and clean the apartment, for fear that I'll slow down the Fucking Healing Process. I can't get up and exercise and try to make myself feel better, for fear that I'll slow down the fucking healing process. In the end, I can't go see D., and I can't even work on making mmyself look and feel better for him. I mean, for me. Really.

Right now, it feels hopeless. I know that's the Sunday bug having its nasty way with my mind, but that doesn't help the pain go away. We're too far apart, with established lives more than two hundred miles apart. We've been talking for over a month and haven't been able to get together...and sometimes the talking slows down, I don't feel very important, and I wonder what the fuck the point it. It feels like I'm just waiting for an "I met someone local," or "It's just not gonna work out." It's stupid. Danny would tell me it's stupid, Simone would tell me it's stupid, D. would tell me it's stupid.