Taken from my journal at around 7 weeks sober:

My boyfriend is drinking a lot right now and seems to be completely insensitive to my situation. We had a big row about it and I got myself very upset and the desire to drink was strong. I prayed like crazy and the desire went away, which surprised me more than you can know! The following day my window shutters broke. It´s no big deal but it was just the final straw and I made the decision to go out to the nearest bar and get drunk to escape from everything. The insanity of this disease kicked in with a vengeance and I didn´t even want to do anything to stop it. Everything I´d worked for over the last 7 weeks didn´t feature in my head at all. I was going to get drunk and that was that. It didn´t matter a damn who saw me or what anyone thought. I couldn´t have cared less at that point.

My boyfriend´s cousin turned up as I was leaving the house (she never visits me so this was a miracle in itself!). I told her where I was going and said it was up to her if she wanted to join me or not. She held on to me and said there was no way she was going to let me go even if it meant staying here with me all day and night. I got quite angry with her but she didn´t let go of me. We ended up sobbing our hearts out and I clung to her for dear life. In that moment my sanity returned and has stayed with me for the past 2 days. I´ve had lots of rest and lots of food, and I´ve been reading the Big Book and been trying to pray as best I can. It´s hard for me to get my head around this praying thing, but I´m desperate enough to try because I just can´t go back to the life I was living before. I feel peaceful again and I am so grateful that I didn´t go out and drink the other day. Where would I be today if I´d done that?? Needless to say I´ve decided to stay away from the bars for now. I just don´t trust myself.

Ok,today my boyfriend's cousin turned up at my house again to talk to me about my boyfriend. I suddenly had a very strong urge to drink. She'd brought a couple of cans of strong beers with her(not quite sure why she brought them round when she knows I´m struggling to stay sober!!). She went in the house to get a glass, and when she had gone I picked up one of the beers. I was 2 seconds away from opening it and pouring it down my throat. The only reason I didn´t was because there were only 2 cans and I knew I would have to go and get more, because 2 cans would not be nearly enough for me.

In desperation I rushed upstairs to look for a rosary I´d been given years ago (funny how quickly I was able to find it in the chaos of my house!!). I fell to my knees and prayed to whatever higher power is supposedly there for the urge to be taken away. The urge to drink went away – it was incredible. I was stunned. Praying really does seem to work so I must keep on doing it!