REAL QUICK:

Alright so I ended up getting rid of my Grindr profile. For about two weeks i think. I got really annoyed with the “hey” or the “what’s up” messages. I actually got a steady barrage of “hey” messages from guys i totally wasn’t interested in. After a while i questioned what i was even doing on grindr. So i got rid of it. Then two weeks later or so i signed back up cause i got bored and horny. Why am i on grindr?… I still don’t know but i figure that there’s a slim slim chance i’ll find a semi attractive guy willing to screw and who i’m not afraid of.

THE REAL POST:

So i’m on PrEP. Went to the doctors, had a conversation with my doctor about my bisexuality, my intentions, testing etc… long odd story short… i’m on truvada now. Got assistance paying for it and so far no side effects. Also got my test results back and i am 100% STD free which was never in question as i’ve only been monogamous and so has my wife. Still… I got a piece of paper that confirms it.

So… PrEP’d and also taking Pure for Men which is a fiber supplement that is supposed to help preparation for bottoming. So far my regularity has gotten much better and i think that it’s working. The true test will be using the COLT “Buddy” Balls anal beaded toy that i bought. Still have not used it. I KNOW. So… I’m feeling much more prepared at least on a physical front. Mentally though… it’s a different story.

There’s this guy who i’m talking to on OkCupid who i find attractive but i’m starting to feel anxious about meeting him and him actually liking me. Cause like… liking me means spending time together which means having sex. Which is exciting, no!? YES of course but i’m freakin over the fact that i’ve never had sex with a dude. I assume that the first couple of times are going to be odd, stressful and not that great… so i’m really kind of nervous. Like, what if i really like him but my inexperience is a turn off?

I’m not clueless about sex, i’ve had plenty of sex but from what i hear having sex with men, being a man, is a whole different ball game. :) (Compliments of Jaime) So naturally my thoughts turn to meaningless hook ups. Maybe i can find a guy or two who i don’t really care about who can take away the initial awkwardness? Sounds appealing but also anxiety inducing.

There’s a chance i will be able to meet up with said OkCupid guy this week and see if we even have chemistry. I hope we do because from his profile he seems to fit what i’m looking for. He’s a busy young professional who talks nerdy, about leadership and alone time. The leader and managing stuff he talks about gives me a boner which should tell you something about me, haha.

Perhaps i just need to go out and dance my troubles away. Dance and forget that i’m so anxious and just enjoy the happy place that i am in. UGH! LOL… I’m Sooo Sooo sooo crazy about it that it’s pissing me off! hahahahaha.

I will find my prince charming and hopefully he’ll be down to fuuuckk.

REAL SELFIE: