What I’ve learned from being on the hookup app ‘Grindr’ for the last few weeks.

The last couple of weeks (I think it’s been two now) I’ve been on the app. I downloaded the Grindr app on Jan 1st, uploaded pictures, stats and a small blurb about myself and set off into boytown. Countless blurb/profile pic changes later… I’m ready to share how my experience on Grindr has been and what I’ve learned thus far.

1. There is a lot of ‘discreet’ guys.

So it’s 2017 and I’m in Portland, no… near Portland: the place that is known (or ridiculed) for sustainably sourced artisanal lubricants and vegan strip clubs (that one is true.) We are a liberal wonderland that is known as the poly capital of the country so I assumed that there were going to be a lot, LOT of out gay, bi guys. I assumed incorrectly, at least from what I can see on grindr. Nearly all the guys that have chatted me up want to have sex and keep it “discreet.” I asked a guy what he meant by that and he said he wasn’t sure. I assume he doesn’t want me to scream his name at the top of my lungs when he’s plowing me. OR does he mean we are only going to have sex in the cover of the woods?

2. I do got it.

Having signed up for OKCupid last october and eventually experiencing “lack of attention” depression, I happily found that my pictures drew some pretty good attention. I touched up on this in my last blog post. I keep getting positive feed back from sharing my dick pics and ass pics, which makes me really happy because I thought that my lack of bubble butt and my 5” cock was not going to impress anyone.

3. There’s a lot of guys who don’t mind a little extra weight.

Again, one of the reasons I got kind of blue on OKCupid was the assumption that somehow my honesty about my weight or Body size was keeping guys from talking to me. Guys can be shallow, everyone has body preferences and I assumed (yet again) that a guy with a particular type of body… wouldn’t like a guy with my particular type of body. I got chatted up by a really nicely bodied guy who liked heavier or stocky guys the other day and my body was READY from being so flattered.

4. PrEP, HIV Status and last testing info is easy to access.

While setting up my profile I noticed a section near the bottom for user HIV status and info for the last time the user got tested. I think this is fantastic! Besides knowing the status of a possible date you can also see if they are on PrEP, how long ago they got tested and the app has a link to more information about prevention. Being that I plan on being on PrEP (soon) and looking to only play safe, this information is important to me. The app having this information integrated into the “looking” experience makes me feel more comfortable about asking about status, etc.

5. Conversations suk

The art of conversing is lost in 2017, unfortunately. This is not news to me though. Also it should not be a surprise to me on an app where the main interaction is “got pics?” Even the fun interactions I have are kind of like pulling teeth. The best is when a guy clearly wants to give me attention/talk to me but has nothing to say. Eventually I stop trying to keep the Conversation going and focus on something/someone else. Also… unfortunately for me a lot of the conversations end when I say something along the lines of, “I wanna get to know you before we fuck like animals.”

6. Rejection is ok, Saying no is ok.

To me conversations that end when I say “I’m not going to hook up right now” or they get a good shot of what my body looks like (and they’re not into it) is a small form of rejection. I even had a guy straight up say that they didn’t think I’d be successful in what I was looking for, which is fair but also an opinion. I was also blocked by a guy I had been interested in but I think I bored, unfortunately. It’s ok though. I imagine I’ll eventually try to meet up with someone only to have them have a change of heart, hey it happens. And it’s ok for me to reject someone as well. There is a guy who demanded my nude photos not even a minute into a conversation. Straight up “Send me a picture of your naked body and of your dick.” Like it was owed to him or he wouldn’t continue the conversation. Well the conversation ended there and then because fuck that guy. He didn’t even say please. There’s also plenty of guys on there that have messaged me that I have not engaged with because I did not find them attractive. It’s ok to not find them attractive and I don’t want to lead them on by chatting them up so I don’t.

All in all I’ve enjoyed my experience on grindr as much as I question why I’m on there to begin with. It has given me hope that soon I will lose my guyginity, has made me question my intentions, made me feel great about my body and made me think about what I really REALLY want out of sex with men.