Tonight, I have been reading a lot of other posts, by many fine bloggers. This is something I used to enjoy doing quite often, committing to a few hours in the evening to doing just that, but admittedly over the past few months, I have been really just posting, checking for comments and not much else. I have read this evening, a couple of posts from gay men like myself, who talk about campaigning for gay marriage and equality, how much it means to them, I have read other posts about homophobia, about identity issues and struggles.
I don't mean to isolate myself from my peers but some of these things, have not been something I easily identify with.
On Facebook, I read posts and status updates from my gay friends, expressing their outrage at government legislation that will not allow them to legally marry, or express their dismay that the new pope, has already condemned the gay community, less than 24 hours after taking position. I should be equally angered, dismayed and disappointed.
But I am not.
Coming out, is one of those rights of passage that all of us, as part of the LGBT community must go through, at some stage in our lives and it seems for the majority, this tends to be a time, rife with tension, conflict and confusion.
We read so much about suicide, alienation from loved ones and even violence. I have never encountered genuine homophobia, I have been called a faggot or a queer, usually as a generic tool of insult or good humored shade. I have never knowingly encountered someone, who had real disdain or disgust. When someone goes through that, I can understand then, that gay rights are of paramount importance to them.
But, I didn't experience any of this. My coming out was an almost non event, there was no conflict, no alienation and no violence. It was just a fleeting moment in my life. I have not been defined by this grand gesture of taking ownership of my sexuality. So I can only surmise that the reason, that fighting for my right to get married or seen as equal in the eyes of the church and the law, are not that important. There is no fight in me for such causes. I don't much care what the church or the government thinks of me, or my choices and I have no desire to campaign along side my brethren for the rights we deserve.
Being gay, does not define me. In all honesty, its just a really small part of who I am. I have sex with other men and to me, and that's where it ends really. I think it's only a matter of time before it all comes together and we are all declared equal and I am happy to wait, I doubt I will even find it cause for celebration. It will just be another fleeting moment in my life.
