Avoidance. It is something that we Infertile couples tend to do when situations arise that will be emotionally Difficult to handle. Strong examples of this would be to decline any and all invitations to baby showers, children’s 1st birthdays, baptisms and the like. Turning these events down does not mean that we don’t care, but rather it brings us face-to-face with the reality of what we are missing and what we are not celebrating. The upset-o-meter tends to rise quickly if all we see are happy parents and happy children to boot.

After a while of non-attendance, we begin to lose touch with those folks that we used to be very close with pre-kids. Since our Lives are going in different directions, or better yet, their lives are going in a forward direction and ours has halted, being able to relate becomes more difficult. Even if we were courageous enough to participate in these functions, conversations are difficult because we’re not sharing the same anecdotes related to children’s’ first this and children’s’ first that.

This Estranged feeling is not limited to just friends with children. We happen to observe the same awkwardness within our immediate family. When a family member or relative says or does something insensitive to our infertile situation, we again crawl into our shell. These periods of non-contact can go on for months. Even when apologies and forgiveness are issued, there is still a sense of need to be walking on eggshells from all parties.

We are in charge of who we let into our lives. At this point, in the middle of all this madness, it might just be ok to keep the inner circle very small. There is the old saying that we should not run from our problems, we should face them head on. There is also something to be said about avoiding things that make us uncomfortable. Which one is more relevant?