By Jane, Guest Author for ITNB

Looking back, when my husband and I first started trying to conceive, we had this Idea that only beautiful lovemaking was going to create our child. Plain old ordinary sex was just not going to cut it, we thought. Nothing but passionate and loving intimacy was going to get us pregnant.

During our first year of trying, I recall a month or two where we decided not to have sex, even though the timing was right. We were tired or otherwise not feeling up to it that day, so we intentionally skipped it. No child of ours is going to be a product of obligatory sex, we insisted. Our mantra became, “Only the most beautiful kind of lovemaking will create our child.”

As it turned out, that was far from the truth. The doctors have since told us that it will be no lovemaking of any kind—obligatory or otherwise—that was going to get us to our goal. Our only hope for conception was going to be quite the opposite of our original thoughts.

Unromantic, indeed! It is far from intimate; mediated by doctors, nurses, and lab technicians. Forget candle-lit dinners; we use thermometers, pee sticks, and specimen collection cups. In fact, there is a great irony to be found in our fertility treatments: My doctor told me that I can bring the semen sample with me when I go for my intrauterine insemination. My husband’s physical presence is not even necessary.

So, no, there will be no Romance in our quest for conception. And that’s not to say that there is no romance in our relationship. Sure, it’s still there. What we’ve really lost is the romance of an idea. This idea which now, in retrospect, seems a bit naïve. We’ve lost the romantic notion that our child, if we are blessed with one, will be created from a physical act of love.

ITNB would like to express our thanks to Jane for her article. We think it is something we can all relate to!