What a strange morning, there’s something different about today, maybe it’s just one of those days, maybe there’s something in the air, but getting up today wasn’t a struggle.
The sun is shinning through the window and for once I can feel it’s warmth, maybe I’m just suffering from a sudden boost of ego over the fact a few people took the time to read my blog, or maybe there’s something more.
I actually have the urge to do something rather than just find things to waste time doing, I would write but that normally ends in disaster lol, I’m my own worst critic once threw a years worth of work away because I suddenly decided it was rubbish.
Maybe I’ll just spend the day cooking (yes I’m male and can actually cook), I’m not really certain what I want to do, the problem with days like this is the fact my mind suddenly becomes hyper-active and it’s hard to decipher (well harder than normal).
I feel like I’ve been trapped in darkness for so long with the things that dwell there constantly attacking me and suddenly I’ve overcome the strongest of them and now I control the darkness within, rather than it trying to control me, this may just be a phase but even a single day free from the negative thoughts which constantly engulf me is worth celebrating.
It occurs to me that noone controls their own destiny, but rather that we all play a part in each others, what if the new friend you make had turned left out their house instead of right today would you have met? you have a certain level of control but the decisions of others will always play a part, seems most of the things which have left me feeling scummy have been not my choice but the decisions of others, there’s no point dwelling on those decisions too much (though it’s bound to happen that I shall return to doing so) and it’s not worth closing yourself off because of what others have done.
Follow the link on this blog to Gregg’s blog he makes a lot more sense than I do trying to convey a feeling of openness, the want to share, to make not only his life but others lives better, I’ve always been consumed by making others lives better and invariably made them worse by accident, the problem is I am only human and I make mistakes and my biggest mistake is not in my sharing but getting upset when others don’t put as much into a friendship as I would, I believe my life won’t ever get much better and that nothing good is ever likely to happen but it doesn’t stop me hoping and wanting it, a taste of happiness, just one day to truly understand what it is to love and be loved back, A kind word in someone’s blog can make a difference share a little love today.