*WARNING: This post contains minor spoilers for the November 17 episode of The O.C. Read at your own risk!*
Now, this is how they do it in Orange County, bitch!
The O.C., man. It is Back with a capital B. Not that I'd ever dog on my fave guilty pleasure, but these past few episodes have been weaker than Seth's noodle arms.
I think this is mostly because they've all been about Marissa, who sucks. But then again, isn't everything always about her?
It wouldn't be as bad if Mischa Barton wasn't such a horrendous actress. But a corpse has more life in it than she does.
A corpse also is much healthier looking than Mischa Barton, but that's beside the point.
OK, OK, I get it. She's a bag of bones because Hollywood puts so many pressures on...waah, waah, waah. I don't care. She's creepy looking. I mean, have a carrot stick or something, please. I'm not even asking you to start out with anything terrifying like a sandwich, just eat something.
There is a scene from season one where Mischa has to eat a Hershey Kiss. It is comedy gold. I'm not sure if the writers intended it to be, but I like to think that there's a chubby chick who writes for the show who made the final decision on that scene. Mischa Barton can't even flip through a magazine convincingly on camera -- something I'm sure she's done plenty of times in real life -- so to see her try to pop a piece of candy into her mouth, it is priceless. Once the chocolate hits her tongue she registers the only emotions I've ever seen from her that were believable: unadulterated disgust and horror. It's hilarious. Seriously, try to check it out. It's in the Valentine's Day episode from Season 1.
Anyhow. I'm not here to pick on Mischa Barton (OK, I am a little bit). I'm here to sing from the rooftops my song of glee that The O.C. was freaking awesome last night for the first time in what seems like forever.
We had Kirsten throwing a big fancy party! We had Julie returning to glory as the only rightful manipulative bitch in Newport! We had Sandy being virtuously self-righteous! We had Seth acting charming and geeky instead of selfish and bratty! We had Summer remembering why she loves Seth to begin with (uh, mostly because he wasn't being selfish and bratty anymore)! We had the return of Chino Ryan! And last but not least, we had Marissa in mortal peril, which meant the glorious possibility that they might be killing her off! Hip, hip, HOORAY!
The only thing The O.C. was missing that could have returned it to its former glory was Ryan in a wifebeater doing gratuitous pull-ups. But there was a close substitute. 'Cause Ben McKenzie, bless his biceps, went mental on a punching bag while wearing a shirt and slightly loosened tie. Bravo, Ben. Bravo. I hope they signed your punching bag to a multi-episode contract.
Of course, Ryan was letting his anger out on the punching bag so as not to let it out on Volchek, in the process using his head and not his fists for once, which set up my favorite scene of the night.
Marissa was like, "Ryan, you've really changed."
Only, as I've mentioned, Mischa Barton isn't even as good an actor as the lead in your local elementary school's performance of Little Red Riding Hood, so she delivered the line while making a face like she was having a tough time pooping.
And so I screamed at my TV, "Yo, Marissa! It's called personal growth. You should give it a try sometime because you're still the same self-centered spoiled little bitch you were in the pilot!"
I did love Ryan's reaction to her, though, when he gave her this look that conveyed exactly: "I am totally and completely exasperated with your selfishness, you humorless little whiner, and -- writers willing -- I'm going to dump your bony ass in Episode 8 for someone smart, funny, supportive, and stacked. 'Cause, um, have you looked at me lately? My kicky new haircut upped my hot-factor by about 50 points and my abs are cut from glass now that I've been using this punching bag to get out my frustrations over what a complete and total bitch you are instead of self destructing. Being from Chino is so the new water polo team, so step aside, Stretch. I'm out!"
Seriously, Sandy's old eyebrows (I am so disappointed he has started to control them! Note to Peter Gallagher: We love them; set them free!) and Ryan's steely eyed glares should do an episode of Celebrity Deathmatch to see who would be champion of having a conversation without using any words. I think the eyebrows would win, but only by -- what else? -- a hair.
And somewhere in the background you can hear the faintest rim shot...
Anyhow, back to it. Ryan is freaking hot. Gobi hot. Habanero pepper hot. The radiator in my old Honda hot.
He needs to dump Skeletor already. I mean they make her dump him every other freaking week just because she's in a bad mood. I think it's his turn to do the dumping.
I have no idea if Ryan actually will get to toss Marissa out on her tailbone, but I hope that the writers at least will let him hook up with Casey. That'd be awesome. And you know Ryan could totally pull Casey. Not to mention she's from public school! So she's easy! (Note to Ben McKenzie: I also went to public school.)
Anyhow, Ryan definitely needs a better girlfriend (note to the producers: I am available!) and poor Ben McKenzie needs a better actress to work with.
At the very least, Ryan and Ben both deserve a competent lover (and so do I, so note to the producers and Ben: I could catch the red eye, no problem). Because, seriously? He has it down. The face touching, the slow pull-away kiss, the ease with which that boy can unhook a halter top. It's fucking poetry, man. And I have to believe that's not all just good direction, but that it comes from Ben McKenzie's own delicious personal arsenal of ways to make a woman melt in his mouth.
I think Ryan's steely looks would beat out Sandy's brows for sure if it was a contest to see which one could undress a woman faster without using hands. Because I swear, sometimes Ryan just looks at the camera and I feel the hooks on my bra pop open. It's fantastic.
That's it. I need to be on that show.
How cool would this be: Next week on The O.C., the smoldering transfer student from (sort of) Philadelphia impresses Ryan with her quick wit, her fine ass, and her ability not to purge after lunch. He looks at her the way Marissa eyes a piece of pizza when she thinks no one is looking -- hungrily -- and dons his finest tank top in her honor.
You'd all tune in for that, I know you would!
Totally willing to do nude scenes: [email protected]
Now, this is how they do it in Orange County, bitch!
The O.C., man. It is Back with a capital B. Not that I'd ever dog on my fave guilty pleasure, but these past few episodes have been weaker than Seth's noodle arms.
I think this is mostly because they've all been about Marissa, who sucks. But then again, isn't everything always about her?
It wouldn't be as bad if Mischa Barton wasn't such a horrendous actress. But a corpse has more life in it than she does.
A corpse also is much healthier looking than Mischa Barton, but that's beside the point.
OK, OK, I get it. She's a bag of bones because Hollywood puts so many pressures on...waah, waah, waah. I don't care. She's creepy looking. I mean, have a carrot stick or something, please. I'm not even asking you to start out with anything terrifying like a sandwich, just eat something.
There is a scene from season one where Mischa has to eat a Hershey Kiss. It is comedy gold. I'm not sure if the writers intended it to be, but I like to think that there's a chubby chick who writes for the show who made the final decision on that scene. Mischa Barton can't even flip through a magazine convincingly on camera -- something I'm sure she's done plenty of times in real life -- so to see her try to pop a piece of candy into her mouth, it is priceless. Once the chocolate hits her tongue she registers the only emotions I've ever seen from her that were believable: unadulterated disgust and horror. It's hilarious. Seriously, try to check it out. It's in the Valentine's Day episode from Season 1.
Anyhow. I'm not here to pick on Mischa Barton (OK, I am a little bit). I'm here to sing from the rooftops my song of glee that The O.C. was freaking awesome last night for the first time in what seems like forever.
We had Kirsten throwing a big fancy party! We had Julie returning to glory as the only rightful manipulative bitch in Newport! We had Sandy being virtuously self-righteous! We had Seth acting charming and geeky instead of selfish and bratty! We had Summer remembering why she loves Seth to begin with (uh, mostly because he wasn't being selfish and bratty anymore)! We had the return of Chino Ryan! And last but not least, we had Marissa in mortal peril, which meant the glorious possibility that they might be killing her off! Hip, hip, HOORAY!
The only thing The O.C. was missing that could have returned it to its former glory was Ryan in a wifebeater doing gratuitous pull-ups. But there was a close substitute. 'Cause Ben McKenzie, bless his biceps, went mental on a punching bag while wearing a shirt and slightly loosened tie. Bravo, Ben. Bravo. I hope they signed your punching bag to a multi-episode contract.
Of course, Ryan was letting his anger out on the punching bag so as not to let it out on Volchek, in the process using his head and not his fists for once, which set up my favorite scene of the night.
Marissa was like, "Ryan, you've really changed."
Only, as I've mentioned, Mischa Barton isn't even as good an actor as the lead in your local elementary school's performance of Little Red Riding Hood, so she delivered the line while making a face like she was having a tough time pooping.
And so I screamed at my TV, "Yo, Marissa! It's called personal growth. You should give it a try sometime because you're still the same self-centered spoiled little bitch you were in the pilot!"
I did love Ryan's reaction to her, though, when he gave her this look that conveyed exactly: "I am totally and completely exasperated with your selfishness, you humorless little whiner, and -- writers willing -- I'm going to dump your bony ass in Episode 8 for someone smart, funny, supportive, and stacked. 'Cause, um, have you looked at me lately? My kicky new haircut upped my hot-factor by about 50 points and my abs are cut from glass now that I've been using this punching bag to get out my frustrations over what a complete and total bitch you are instead of self destructing. Being from Chino is so the new water polo team, so step aside, Stretch. I'm out!"
Seriously, Sandy's old eyebrows (I am so disappointed he has started to control them! Note to Peter Gallagher: We love them; set them free!) and Ryan's steely eyed glares should do an episode of Celebrity Deathmatch to see who would be champion of having a conversation without using any words. I think the eyebrows would win, but only by -- what else? -- a hair.
And somewhere in the background you can hear the faintest rim shot...
Anyhow, back to it. Ryan is freaking hot. Gobi hot. Habanero pepper hot. The radiator in my old Honda hot.
He needs to dump Skeletor already. I mean they make her dump him every other freaking week just because she's in a bad mood. I think it's his turn to do the dumping.
I have no idea if Ryan actually will get to toss Marissa out on her tailbone, but I hope that the writers at least will let him hook up with Casey. That'd be awesome. And you know Ryan could totally pull Casey. Not to mention she's from public school! So she's easy! (Note to Ben McKenzie: I also went to public school.)
Anyhow, Ryan definitely needs a better girlfriend (note to the producers: I am available!) and poor Ben McKenzie needs a better actress to work with.
At the very least, Ryan and Ben both deserve a competent lover (and so do I, so note to the producers and Ben: I could catch the red eye, no problem). Because, seriously? He has it down. The face touching, the slow pull-away kiss, the ease with which that boy can unhook a halter top. It's fucking poetry, man. And I have to believe that's not all just good direction, but that it comes from Ben McKenzie's own delicious personal arsenal of ways to make a woman melt in his mouth.
I think Ryan's steely looks would beat out Sandy's brows for sure if it was a contest to see which one could undress a woman faster without using hands. Because I swear, sometimes Ryan just looks at the camera and I feel the hooks on my bra pop open. It's fantastic.
That's it. I need to be on that show.
How cool would this be: Next week on The O.C., the smoldering transfer student from (sort of) Philadelphia impresses Ryan with her quick wit, her fine ass, and her ability not to purge after lunch. He looks at her the way Marissa eyes a piece of pizza when she thinks no one is looking -- hungrily -- and dons his finest tank top in her honor.
You'd all tune in for that, I know you would!
Totally willing to do nude scenes: [email protected]
