Finding a job is like a Pain in the a**. I don't know how many I have applied for in the last half year. Maybe I am bad a writing the applications or is my CV boring? It seems like many companies have way too high expectations on education.

To always get a NO was hard in the beginning, but now I am more used to it. But all these no is making me feel miserable and worthless. I am starting to loose my motivation. And all the struggle I have been through has really taken me down. I know what I need to do, but where do I get the motivation?

Many years ago when I received a invoice from I collecting agency, I used to panic and try to pay it right away or as soon as i get money. Now when I receive on it feels like I don't even care. I don't have motivation or energy to work for it. How do I get it back??? I don't recognize myself anymore. This is not me. This is not the person I used to be. What happened to me??? There are so many thoughts and questions going around in my head. I am trying to accept the situation, but it is so hard.